Thursday, May 05, 2011

Shoot Me

I was sitting at Kaltire today, waiting while they changed over my summer/winter tires. They had told me it would be about an hour so I brought a book with me. I was all alone in the waiting area, and even with the TV on in the corner and the sounds from the garage I started to get into my book.

I had started this book probably three times before, and just hadn't put enough hard reading time into it to get past the first couple chapters. I'd put it aside for a while and forget what was going on and have to restart it. To give me some credit I wasn't reading one of the Shopaholic novels... I was reading Schindler's List. I don't care if this makes me sound like a dumbass: It's kind of a hard book, ok!?

As I was saying, I was starting to get into my book when another customer came into the waiting area. He walked over to the TV, tried to change the channel, and when he figured out he couldn't he turned up the volume and sat a seat away from me. At this point I was still ok.

Half and hour and a few chapters later a lady came into the waiting room, and even though there were two chairs on the opposite side she sat down directly between me and the man. Seriously, do you know know seating ettiquette? What is this, the damn Skytrain?

Then they started talking. The longer they talked the more steamed I became. I tried to read but I couldn't concentrate. The woman was super loud and also had the same voice as the character Holly on The Office. I kept expecting her to do a funny Yoda voice.

The woman bragged the whole time. She was one of those people like the "Penelope" character on Saturday Night Live who have to out-do everyone else.

The man mentioned that he'd shattered his ankle and had been on crutches... so she started talking about how her uterus became dislodged when she was making the bed and how she has to have surgery to get it "tucked back up." Her own words. Seriously, I could not make this up. She mentions that she can't have it now because she's "on tour." At this point I thought to myself "Hmm maybe she's famous, I should get a better look," but she travels with a children's choir. Not that cool. If it was Disney on Ice I'd have been impressed.

Then they discussed travel. He mentioned he likes to travel, so she started talking about how she's going to Europe, blah blah blah: "I've been to Versaille 3 times! I mean It's a great city but I'm done!"

After this she brings up how she went to volunteer at the Langley Lodge... And then starts bitching about how they're asking too much of her. "They keep asking me to help organize things. Don't they know how busy I am with work and home? I mean it's NOT like I'm getting paid for it! It just became too much so I quit." If you're too busy to help out don't go in and ASK to volunteer you stupid, stupid woman! Of course if you say you want to help they will ask for help!

At this point another woman walked in. She sat across from me and quietly read a cook book. She never made eye contact or I was seriously going to mock shooting myself in the head with my finger. Maybe even sign the brains coming out the opposite end.

Finally they called me to tell me that my car was ready. Phew.