Thursday, December 15, 2011

Canada Day 2011

I celebrated Canada Day by heading downtown to hang out with a girlfriend. I met her at her place, and we took the Seabus across to Granville Island. My other friend was working down there so we went for a visit. Unluckily for her the man she was working with smelled to the high heavens. You know when you accidentally leave your laundry in the washing machine for too long? That smell. I felt for her.

We grabbed some lunch on the patio at The Sandbar. We had a nice little girl-talk chat, but I could tell she was hiding something from me. Our plan had been after lunch to chill at her place for a bit, then head to a mutual friend's for a BBQ dinner. I called her out because I knew she was keeping a secret, and it turned out she was actually sort of dating the mutual friend. Surprise!

We grabbed some groceries, headed over and proceeded to start drinking. I had planned on only having 1 or 2 and driving home, since I had a wedding to attend the next day, but that's not exactly how it went. A few hours later my friend had lost her nose ring, so we went to the drug store to grab a new one. I dropped some ice cream and we drunkenly chatted up the entire staff. This is what I love about my friends. It doesn't matter where we are, or what we're doing, we can have fun.

We enjoyed a delicious dinner on the patio with a few friends, and decided to stay up there to watch the fireworks. After freezing our asses off for 20 minutes we thought to ourselves: fuck the fireworks, lets go in the hot tub!

After getting dressed again we had an ottoman party. For those of you who have never tried this, it's where you get drunk and dance on an ottoman. It's a lot more fun than it sounds. Quite enjoyable, really.

At the beginning of the night I'd told my friend to hook me up with his cute buddy... and at this point in the night he finally arrived. I was pretty sloshed at this point already and he kept harassing me to keep drinking. It was like high school. No matter how old boys are they, or how much you try to refrain... they keep pushing the booze. The boy and I had a little cuddle on the couch, and my friends headed to bed. I ended up crashing there, and having a little makeout session, too. (Unlike my date in June I was on my A-game this time!)

I got up as early as my hangover would allow, and headed back to Langley... I had a wedding to get ready for!

Ladies' Night... Family Style

In June my mom, sister and I headed down to Tulalip for a little shopping and gambling.

On the way down we stopped in Bellingham for breakfast... which included mimosas. We were on vacation, ok!

We're way too cheap to stay at the actual Tulalip Resort so we stayed at the Holiday Inn (I think.) We did get free cookies upon check-in. You can't beat that.

After a little shopping we headed out for dinner and decided on a Mexican place. The food was good, but the drinks left a little to be desired. I ordered a mojito, but it came sort of half-blended, like they'd used the ice from the bottom of the barrel. I asked the waitress to take it back and strain it, or get some bigger ice cubes... but she didn't really speak English that well. (I don't get how there are basically no Latin people in BC, but you go 30 mins across the border and they only speak Spanish.)

Next stop... the shuttle to the Casino! We were packed onto the shuttle with a girls' volleyball team and their parents. One of the girls managed to get onto the shuttle without shoes, and while she was waiting for her dad to fetch her shoes from the room the bus left. I have no idea if she got into the casino like that.

It took a while, but some seats opened up at the 3-Card Poker table. My sister was out of cash almost immediately, my mom not long after, but I was on a roll! I kept hitting 3 of a kinds and straights.

The guy next to me, in his mid-30's to 40's, was chatting me up much to the amusement of my sister. At one point I asked her to grab me a drink and passed her my purse. "I can't find your wallet with all these comdoms in here!" She yelled. I guess that's what sisters are for.

Eventually they got tired of waiting and made me leave. The next morning we had breakfast at the hotel. They had the coolest machine ever. Maybe I'm behind on the times if I think this is awesome... but it's a machine where you press the button and it makes a fresh pancake for you! Delish! Then we did a little more shopping and headed home. It was a nice way to spend a weekend.

Borderline

The day after Wicked I went on a first date with a new boy. (Yes, obviously he's new if it's a first date. Thanks for coming out, me.)

He seemed promising... good job (he works at the border crossing), nice condo in South Surrey, stable family, and cute ... but a little short.

I drove out to his place where we had a glass of wine and watched the Canucks game. This was during the playoffs, but after we got scored on the 3rd time in a row we gave up and headed to the White Rock strip for some dinner.

Dinner went well and the conversation was flowing. He kept telling me I was pretty and complimented my dress. While we walked back to the car he put his arm around me to steer me clear of the crowds.

We got back to his place and chatted for a bit before I headed home. It wasn't that late, but I had to work the next day.

He walked me to my car, where we chatted a little bit more. As we were down there a limo full of drunk guys drove by. His neighbour and his friends had gone to the game and were now getting dropped off.

"So," border guy said to me, "Do you want to give them a show?"

I laughed. "Um... ok?"

He leaned in and kissed me. I have to admit, it wasn't my best work. I'm not scared of PDA, but first kisses are always a little nerve-wracking anyways, and I'm pretty sure the limo dudes were fully watching. I might even have had one eye open.

I drove home... and never heard from border guy again.

Wicked

In June I went to see the musical Wicked with some family. Yes, I'm a big nerd and I love musicals. (Except the Mamma Mia DVD... UGH kill me).

You may recall I went to see The Lion King last year with my friend Nick, so I was stoked to see this one.

My parents had seen it previously in New York, and my cousin has seen it 3 times, so I figured I wouldn't be dissapointed, and I wasn't.

The storyline is about the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz... but it focuses on her gorwing up and how she became how she is. It really gives you a different perspective on the whole thing. (Not that you'd thought so hard about the subject before.)

I won't give it all away, but I definitely recommend it. Next stop... Beauty and the Beast if anyone wants to go!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Teddy's Wedding

At the end of May my friend Teddy from dental hygiene school got married. Yes, a male hygienist. And who did he marry? Not only a dentist, but our teacher from school, Ann! (To give them some credit they DID wait until we were finished school to start dating.)

Anyways Teddy is Chinese and Ann is Indian, so it was quite a mix.

It was smaller than your average Indian wedding... and it was really nice of them to email us crackers some info about what was going on beforehand so we weren't totally lost. They kept the ceremony short and sweet (compared to the typical over and hour) and actually started on time. After the ceremony we headed into the basement of the temple for some lunch. The best part is getting served prison-style on divided metal trays and water glasses. The food is all vegetarian and delicious.

After that we had a bunch of time to kill, so I went with a couple of the girls to go see a movie. Then we headed back to one of their houses to get dressed in our sarees for the reception.

The reception was amazing. Free (top shelf) booze, and delicious Indian appies. They had the typical ones, as well as these little things that looked like cream puffs, but you put this flavoured water in it and eat it in one bite... interesting. The buffet was good too. All Indian except one dish... chow mein. They also did a chinese tea ceremony.

After eating we danced the night away. It was a mix of Indian music and hip hop. They played Neyo's "Tonight" about 4 times. I can never hear it without thinking of the wedding. Most people headed home early; It was a Sunday... but a few of us shut the place down.

I spent the night at a hotel. Alone. Which was a first, and sort of strange. But kind of fun. Thanks to my friend for getting me a deal... you know who you are :)

Friday, November 18, 2011

It's a Miracle!

I never thought I'd see the day that I read Maclean's magazine on a regular basis, but it's happened. My grade 10-11 social studies teacher would be so proud. Shout out Ms Kawaguchi! (aka "the Gooch")

And no, that is not the miracle. Read on.

At lunch today I read that a scientist at UBC is developing a wine that doesn't cause headaches! I guess I'm part of the 30% of the population that's allergic to something in white/light red wines, becaue sometimes I have a glass and can't drink more becaues my head hurts. But, there may be a light at the end of the tunnel!

Read more here at the Maclean's website.

Mexico - The Last Day

The day after the wedding I felt much better, and was glad, because my friend Abraham was coming to visit me at the resort! I'd met him back in 2005, when he was the sports/entertainment guy at our hotel. (Read more about that vacay here.)

He met us at our room and then we walked down to the pool. In the room he mentioned that he'd read my blog about him and that it was very... interesting. I pretended I didn't remember what I'd written. I mean who knew people in Mexico read my blog?!

Even though it was sort of awkward to see Abraham at first since it had been like 6 years, we got back into the swing of things and it was nice to catch up. Anytime he left to grab a drink etc the girls were harassing me: "Are you dating? Is that your boyfriend?"

It was a lovely day. We drank, tanned, splashed in the pool and played volleyball. And when I say we played volleyball I mean everyone else played while I watched.

Everyone was also asking Abraham random questions about being Mexican. One of the comments was "But you don't look Mexican." I think he was sort of offended, but really he DOESN'T look Mexican. He's not short and his head isn't that round and his hair isn't black. It's just the truth. Sorry.

This was also the day my nose started peeling. It was gross.

After chilling in the pool all day we had dinner at Don Pablos, one of the nice restaurants. It was a great day to end a great week.

We woke up early and headed home. Time to start planning my next trip!

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Mexican Wedding Day!

The day that we came on the trip for had arrived: It was the wedding day! Unfortunately, I woke up with a bit of a cold. It wasn't really a surprise; I have the worst immune system in the world and when I've been up drinking all night for a few in a row my body will show me who's boss.

We lounged by the pool most of the day. The bride and groom had no problem seeing each other. I guess the rules are a little different when you're on location. The bridal party left early to get their hair done, and I did a bit of tanning. Maybe a bit too much... I was a little more lobsteresque than golden goddess.

We got ready for the wedding and headed to the beach. The ceremony was short and sweet, and made even better by the observers in speedos. One of them was even crying.

After that we headed to the pool area which had been roped off for the reception. They had a BBQ buffet... definitely better than the buffet we'd eaten most nights. We ate and drank and the speeches were really sweet.

The combination of sunstroke and my head cold were getting to me, though. The reception shut down pretty early and most guests headed to the hacienda to keep the party going. I headed to our room to lie in my bed and watch TV.

Note to self: Save the hardcore tanning until AFTER the main event next time!

Mexico - Day Cinco

Day five was like this blog posting. Short and sweet:

1. Pool all day
2. Dinner at the Italian restaurant. It was delicious.
3. Make wedding favours for the next day (aka tying ribbon around maracas.)

It was a good day.

Mexico - Playa del Carmen

On the fourth day we decided to actually venture off the resort grounds. When I had been on an Alaskan Cruise in 2009 I had met a girl from Mexico, who was on the boat visiting some friends who worked on it. Valeria lives in Cancun, but she met us halfway in Playa del Carmen for a visit.

My friend and I took a bus/shuttle into town. It's the same ones that the locals take; you basically stand by the side of the road until they pull over and pack in with everyone. There are lots of stops at the different resorts, but it's only 3 dollars or something crazy like that.

Before we even left the resort I'd noticed that I had little black bits of something all over me... turned out my cheap "pleather" purse was coming off on my arms. I bought a new purse stat and threw the old one in the garbage.

The ride took about an hour and we arrived in town. THIS was what I was expecting when I came to Mexico. Whitesand beaches with pristine blue/green water. We were a little early, so we grabbed a drink at the swing bar directly on the beach. Cross that one off the bucket list!

We met my friend at Senor Frog's and had some large, slushy drinks, then decided to grab some lunch. I wanted to go somewhere authentic, so Valeria chatted up a guy in a store. He sent us to a restaurant called Restaurant Maquech. They didn't speak any English, and the food was the best I had all trip. We started with chicken and rice soup, then had chicken enchiladas with mole sauce. We asked for a beer and they brought it in a clay tea cup - apparently they don't have a liquor license!

That night we had dinner at the resort, then watched the Canucks play again (we won 7-3 btw.) I enjoyed sitting outside at the hacienda... but I was being eaten alive by mosquitos! Myself and one other girl in our party were just covered. My legs had huge welts all over them. I was chewing Benadryl like it was going out of style!

We also enjoyed some mojitos that night. Note to anyone traveling to Mexico: If they run out of rum they'll substitute any other liquor hoping you won't notice (In my case it was Tequila.) And when you're using your mojito as a chaser for a tequila shot it's a rude awakening!

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Mexico - Day 2 and 3 Highlights

The first couple days we basically slept in and lounged around the pool. We were on the caribbean side of the country, but were so far away from Cancun that the beach wasn't very nice. It was rocky with bits of hard coral, and there was a little seawall that blocked people from entering the water in most areas. Not to mention red flags (meaning no swimming) half the time. So, various pools it was.

The swim-up bar was awesome. I even got a new delicious drink... A Michelada. Sort of like a Caesar, but no Clamato. It was a really nice way to break up all the fruity drinks.

I did a little light reading (Schindler's List) and a bit of heavy tanning.

A few nights we hit up the disco at the resort. It's weird being at a club and not paying for drinks.

A couple of us gals also decided at one point that skinny dipping in the ocean was a good idea. Seriously, it was fun, but I managed to scrape my knee on some coral... then we thought we saw a security guard, so we were scrambling to get dressed, and my friend lost her hair clip. Drunk as she was, finding that clip submerged in sand in the pitch-blackness seemed like the most important thing ever. Needless to say we didn't find it. The next day I had 4 vertical scrapes on my knee from the coral. It looked like I got scratched by a baby tiger.

We also had dinner one of the nights at the teppanyaki restaurant. By a stroke of luck a few people didn't show for their reservation, so we got to sit at the "show table." Those Mexicans gave the Japanese a run for their money. The show and dinner were both impressive!

Needless to say we drank... a lot. Enough for me to have to put my friend to bed. She was lying, fully clothed on her bed. I started with her shoes. Then asked her if she wanted pajamas. She said yes, so I asked where they were. She didn't know. I decided to tuck her in anyways. I was trying to explain to her if she wanted under the covers she had to roll in one direction, then back, but that was not computing... so I did what I could and wrapped her up like a little burrito. Very fitting.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Mexico - The First Night

We arrived in Mexico in the afternoon. For those of you who have never been, when you go through customs you have to press a button. If you get a green light you keep walking, if you get a red light you have to stop and get searched.

I told my friend two things before we left:
1) Don't set off the metal detector.
2) Don't get a "red light" in Mexico.
Let's just say she didn't listen either time.

They shooed me through the door as she got searched. A few minutes later she emerged, we grabbed some beers, and hopped on the bus to the resort.

We stayed at the Brand Bahia Principe, aka, the farthest hotel away from town. It was an hour away from Playa del Carmen, meaning 2 from Cancun.

Once we reached the hotel check-in took forever. Luckily they were serving mimosas in line. (Except the OJ is clearly Sunny Delight.) We got our keys and headed to our room.

We took it easy that night. Had some dinner at the buffet, had some drinks at the hacienda, watched the Canucks play on an ancient tv, met some random Canadians. I had a 21-year-old from Calgary hitting on me, who claimed his Grandpa is part owner of the Calgary Flames. He was super cute... even if when I got home and added him to Facebook it turned out he was 18. We played cards with some guys from Edmonto, who we we kept seeing throughout the trip. They were fun, but one of them kept saying "WINNING." Over and over and over. I should probably mention that it was well after it was cool to be saying it.

We headed to bed for a nice sleep-in. We had a pool to discover the next day!

Mexico, Here I Come!

As I mentioned, I headed to Mexico straight from my niece's birthday party... but it was a little more complicated than that.

The friend I was travelling with was already going to be downtown, so I was on my own to get to the airport. Oh, and the flight left at 6am so we were supposed to be at the airport at 4am. Not even close to morning, nope, definitely still the middle of the night in my books.

Luckily, my parents have some friends that live in Richmond, so I parked my car at their place, took a nap for a couple hours, and cabbed it to the airport. I'd called ahead early to have a cab at their place at 3:30. I set my alarm for quarter after 3, so I'd have time to get dressed properly (couldn't sleep in my bra, it was poking me) and leave a thank you note for the couple. As it turned out the cabbie lived on the same street at my parents' friends, so literally a minute after my alarm went off my phone rang, telling me the cab had arrived.

I threw on my bra and ran out the door.

I arrived at the airport, and my friend was nowhere to be seen. Multiple texts and calls went unanswered. I decided to check in without her so I could at least wait without lugging my giant suitcase around. We were going to Mexico for a wedding, and 20 of them probably walked past me, but I hadn't met anyone at this point so had to wait all alone. I finally got a hold of her, and at about 4:30 she arrived at the airport. I was shitting my pants (figuratively.)

After meeting the wedding party we boarded the plane and headed south. The plane ride was uneventful. I did, however, sit in the middle seat next to a man who was taking a trip to celebrate getting divorced and meeting a new girl. Oh, I got an earful the entire trip... Fortunately, he felt weird putting a single drink on his VISA, so he bought for us too. Totally worth it.

A few hours later we arrived. Mexico, here we come!

Leah's Birthdays - Yes, Plural

My niece turned 1 year old this May, and to celebrate we had not one, but two parties the same day! My brain was never the same again.

We started in the late morning with the kids' party. Basically there were ten or so 6-month to 3-year-olds crawling, running, screaming and snotting throughout the house. My sister's amazing photographer friend Justine of Russo Photography showed up early to take some pictures. Here are a few of the good ones, (and one with Auntie D too):





We did all the typical birthday stuff: had some cupcakes and opened some presents, then it was naptime so every one left. Short and sweet.

Later on in the day we had the family party. Leah is the first child in the family in about 15 years, so having a baby around is kind of a big deal. Everyone showed up. We had some dinner and drinks and then it was time to open presents again. Somebody got spoiled!

A few hours into the family party I had to leave, because I had another destination... Mexico!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Glass Smash

The Tuesday after the long weekend I walked out my front door to a not-so-pleasant surprise... My mom said to me "Oh, you left your window open!" Ummm, no I didn't, my car had been broken into. They'd smashed the driver's side window and glass was everywhere.

They took a bag of clothes, and my CDs. The funny thing is that the clothes were an ancient sweatshirt and jeans I'd borrowed from a girlfriend to go home in after a night out. And who wants CDs besides me? Doesn't every one else have an iPod hooked up?

The break-in had occurred at around 6:00 in the morning too, after my dad had left for work. I figured this must be the work of crackheads.

I missed work to take my car into the autoglass shop. I had a crack in my windshield that I figured I might as well fix while I was there. I paid the deductible on the windshield, but it was cheaper for me to just pay for the side window. (Damn ICBC won't just combine deductibles.)

My car was fixed a few hours later, good as new, or so I thought. The next day I grabbed Tim Horton's at lunch, and when trying to close my window the hand crank came off in my hand. Dammit! Back to the glass place I went for them to fix it. At least I got a Starbucks gift card out of the deal.

Lessons of the week:
(1) Don't leave clothes in your car. Even if they are ugly as hell.
(2) Suburbia is not safe! Crackheads are everywhere!

Whistler, The Aftermath

A couple days later someting possessed me to look up the Seattle boys on Facebook. For those of you who don't know, I'm basically a master creeper. If I wasn't a hyginenist I should have been a spy or something.

These are my findings:

I discovered what seemed to be my guy's profile, but I wasn't sure, so I checked his friends list and discovered who might be the other guy, but both pics weren't clear. So, I Googled him and found him based only on first name, city and profession. I TOLD you I was a master creeper!

The article had a pic and was about how he'd become the new VP of Sales, at the age of 43. "FORTY-THREE, WHAT THE FUCK!?" Was the first thing that went through my mind. (He'd told me he was 37.) Duuuurty!

Well, that confirmed I had the right guy, so I looked up the friend, and found a blurb about him on a design website. A design company that he ran with... drumroll please... his WIFE!

Seriously, could these guys have been worse?! My amazing internet skills... blessing or curse?

Whistler Weekend

Over Easter weekend I took a little ladies' trip up to Whistler, and it was just what I needed to relax and have some fun. I met my girlfriend at her place downtown, we loaded her SUV and hit the road with Katy Perry blasting the whole way. Except for a few seconds when I thought she was going to run a red light and kill us, the trip up went nicely.

We were there during the Telus World Ski and Snowboard Festival and one of her friends works for a promotions company, so we were lucky enough to be able to crash on his pull-out couch at the Westin! We couldn't get a hold of him right away to get into the hotel room, so we decided to grab a drink on a patio in the village. It was so warm that we were actually sitting there in our tank tops and sunglasses, the first time that year!

After hearing from her friend we settled into our room, got ready and hit the town. She has a discount card for The Keg, so we headed to Brandy's Bar to share some drinks and appies and watch our Canuckies kick ass! We were hooked up, too! The bar manager Casper, (yes, like the friendly ghost) kept the drinks coming.

Apres-dinner we were supposed to meet up with her friend who was getting us into some snowboarder party, and he kept making us wait longer and longer, so he said to head back to the hotel bar and have some drinks on him. We're not ones to say no to that, so off we went. And seriously, saying "charge it it to my room," just makes me feel cool.

Finally we met up with the friend who got us into the party at the Garibaldi Lift Company (or as the cool kids call it GLC.) It was awesome. We got so many dirty looks from people waiting in line. Suckers! It turned out that they were holding the Big Air competition right beside us; the restaurant patio was overlooking the kill. It was sweet; they were jumping and flipping and pyrotechnics were going off! We had a couple drinks and mingled a bit. Two guys kept making eye contact and finally came over. They were businessmen from Seattle and a lot of fun. There is a slight chance that we made out with them... But as much as they asked, nothing more, we're good girls!

The next morning we grabbed some greasy breakfast and drove home. All in all it was a fab girls' trip!

Running of the Sun

Oops, I did it again! The Sun Run that is!

I met up at Elise's place in Vancouver, we walked downtown to meet up with Caitlin, chugged some samples of Red Bull and barged out way into the front line of the "white" group. I'm not being a racist, they assign different bib colours depending on how long you say you'll take to run the race. (White being an hour to an hour and a quarter.)

Elise had planned to run with me, but about 30 seconds into the race she was goners. I don't blame her, I mean, I basically winged it. For those of you out there thinking, well if she ran without training then I can too... go for it, but believe me, you will pay for it the next 5 days. I was hobbling around like a War Amp. Luckily Caitlin stuck with me most of the race.

The other two times I'd run the race I remembered it being sort of fun. This time it just seemed looooong. There are still people lining the streets, cheering you on, and bands playing which is pretty cool. Also along the waterfront there was a restaurant on fire and a firetruck was there. I love a distraction.

I ended up making pretty good time actually, the official time in the paper was 1:12:28, but factoring in the amount of time it took me to get over the mat to get my chip read it was probably about 1:10! A new Danielle record!

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Blog News

I would also like to report that my blog is in the Top 15 searches on Google for 2 different topics (That I know about.)

I'm #13 if you search "Hottest Hockey Players" (although I count it as being the 7th down)

And when you search "Tim Horton's Latte"? I'm #2!

BC Hydro Smart Meters - Not So Smart for the Economy?

I was doing some thinking in bed last night. Damn you, insomnia. And this is what I came up with:

Everyone knows the weed industry is huge in BC. We're like the grow-show capital of the world. (Clearly I don't have a fact-checker so just go with it.)

With these new BC Hydro Smart Meters, the grow-ops won't be shut down after someone has to come out and read the meter, the numbers will be sent to Hydro by satellite, making them able to shut down so many more.

You might not know this, but people who sell drugs make a lot of money. Money they use to buy Escalades, and rent fancy appartments, and buy their girlfriends velour tracksuits. It's all being pumped back into the economy.

When these grow-ops get shut down what's going to happen? We're going to have to import weed from other countries. This is more dangerous, and the weed money is going to be spent out of Canada. Like Mexico... and... Florida. All spent on tacos, and entrace to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Not kept in BC where we need it.

What should we do? Just legalize it, and tax it. Then maybe they won't need a toll on the Port Mann bridge. My city friends already don't want to drive out to see me, you think they're going to pay for the privilege? I'm going to have to start a fund to bribe them.

Think about it, Christie Clark.

Happy Birthday to Meeeee!

As I said, besides the Roxy night, my birthday was pretty low-key this year.

Because my sister and I have birthdays in the same month we usually do a joint dinner out at a night restaurant, so we do something small on our actual birthdays. On the actual date I worked, then went for some sushi with my mom, sister, and little niece. (I'm guessing Dad was away on business.)

We had to go to the sushi place by Colossus because they're both seaweed-adverse (picky, not allergic) and will only eat it wrapped in soy paper instead. (On a note: I just found out they also have it at the place by Spa Utopia, if anyone else has the same problem.)

The year before my sister had picked out a restaurant for our birthdays, and it turned out to be crap. I'm pretty sure it's closed down now. I made a fuss about how I was going to pick this year, and then let her pick again. So, we headed to the Bavaria Restaurant in Abbotsford. They supposedly had new owners and the food was supposed to be good.

The decor of the restaurant was nice, but we were seated next to a family who didn't control their screaming kids the ENTIRE meal. Okay people, here are two choices if you decided to dine at a nice establishment: (1) Leave your damn kids at home, or (2) Shut them the hell up.

The food was mediocre, at best. To start I had a lobster bisque which tasted like a tomatoey, fishy mess. The share plate, sundried tomato and crab dip, was basically congealed, like it was made from fake cheese. The chicken schitzel topped with shrimp and hollandaise, along with plenty fo wine, was the meal's one saving grace, but it was too late. Bavaria: stick to what you know and drop the seafood. Schnitzels for all!

Needless to say, the pick for 2012 will by in my capable hands.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Pa-Pa-Pa-Pokerdate!

After my birthday night out at the Roxy the WPT guy had been texting me back and forth for a bit, and we decided to grab dinner on the Saturday. I'd been thinking we'd head to Fort Langley and hit up Eighteen27, my fave tapas place, but the night came around and as it turns out it was one of the few nights it actually snowed this year so we decided to stay a little closer to home and go to Coza.

The dude had let me know he had hockey early in the night, and said he'd shower and head over after. Around 7:30 I texted to ask if he was on his way and he was still in the parking lot drinking beers and said he'd be there soon. He finally showed up somewhere around 9:00. I wasn't too impressed.

We headed over to the restaurant in his giant Escalade (I kept thinking that if we slipped in the snow and hit something at least I wouldn't die.) We were basically the only people in the whole place. We sat down and ordered drinks and the waitress came over. It turned out that she was a girl I had been friends with a few years ago when I worked at Sammy's. For anyone who read my blog back in the day her bloggy-psudonym was "Lola."

It was nice to see her and we chatted for a bit. Strangely though I almost felt like WPT was flirting with her, but I wasn't sure. She told him he looked like Mark Messier which he loved. And he basically does. I mean, throw a bag of Lay's at him and you'd never know the difference.

As the night went on we ordered food and had a couple drinks. Conversation flowed pretty well and I was enjoying myself. I think it sort of bothered him when he ordered another drink and I asked him if he was gonna be ok because I knew he'd had a few before he drove over, the new .05 alcohol limit was in place, AND it was snowing. I don't want to be anyone's mom, but when I'm in the car with someone I want to know they're in a good state.

The night ended and I headed inside with a hug... And never heard from him again. Oh, and noticed that Lola had deleted me off Facebook the other day. Seriously, if they're dating I'll laugh.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Evolution of the Hipster

They're becoming the plague of Vancouver... but find out how hipsters got their start.

Monday, August 01, 2011

Oh, The Bloggess, How I Love Thee

For those who have never checked out my links on the leftish over there I have to say, it may just be worth your while. A couple are people I actually know, many are just good ways to waste time (Failbook changed my sister's life), and one is truly the funniest shit ever. (Besides me of course.) Welcome to The Bloggess.

Not only does she write her own blog, but also a "mommy" column, a sex column, and recently, scary phrases on bananas. Besides Chelsea Handler, and Carrie from Sex in the City (Yes, the fictional character, not Sarah Jessica Parker), she's my hero.

I would like to share one of her truly lol-worthy articles today. As in I actually laughed out loud. I'm not one of those people who write "lol" after every sentence as if they're stoned and everything they say is the most humorous thing ever.

Enjoy:

Lesson 21: Religion - Never Write About It

Hi. If you are very religious and/or easily offended, you should skip this post. Unless you get off on being offended and righteously indignant about ridiculous things. Then, you should totally stick around. Welcome. You totally owe me.

Today we’re going to talk about kids and religion. Personally, I’m not that into organized religion, but I do believe in letting your children find spirituality themselves. That’s why in our house we talk about Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, and the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster objectively, so that our 6-year-old can one day make a decision for herself.

Victor and I aren’t church-goers but we wanted Hailey to experience it for herself, so she goes to a fairly open-minded church with her grandparents. A few weeks ago she entered the Sunday School contest for “Make-your-own-Armor-of-God” with a sword she made from cardboard and tinfoil. She won.

When I asked why she wasn't more excited about it, she said, "I won a bookmark with a dead guy on it." True story. I assume the dead guy was Jesus, but when I asked her if she knew who Jesus was, she told me, "He was God’s neighbor, or little brother or something" and that "he was always getting in trouble and learning lessons." I’m fairly sure she’s confusing Jesus with Dennis the Menace. Which is fine, because she’s 6 and she has time to learn. I do, however, feel that it’s important to pass on your knowledge to your children, and this is why I’ve created a short lesson for kids about everything I know about religion.

Okay, kids ... first up is your christening/baptism/bris. Girls, you’re going to put on the prettiest dress you’ll own and then some stranger will throw a drink on you. This is good practice for the prom. If you’re a boy, you’ll get the same pretty dress, but someone may cut part of your penis off. This is your first taste of the inequality of the sexes ... your sister gets a pretty dress and you get part of your genitals cut off in public. Don’t worry. This all evens out when you’re older.

You will learn many biblical quotations in your life, but you’ll typically only hear them when they’re being used (inaccurately) against you, or when you’re watching The Exorcist. It’s a good idea though to know what these phrases mean, so I’ve made a few translations for you, based on my personal experience.

“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” = “None of us are immune to being douche-bags occasionally.”

“For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city.” = “Chillax, y’all. I know a guy.”

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’” = “I am God’s bouncer. If you want in, you better represent.”

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” = “If you sin, you’re going to die. If you don’t, you’ll become a vampire. Or something.”

“Your body is a temple.” = “You’re like a big tent. Stop filling your tent with meth and bullshit. Have an Eskimo pie.”

“Give, and it shall be given to you. For whatever measure you deal out to others, it will be dealt to you in return.” = “Karma’s a bitch. Stop being such an asshole.”

“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” = “No one cares about your stupid Rolex. But in heaven, tiny camels are the new purse dogs.”

“A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.” = “Don’t feed the trolls.”

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” = “Be nice. It makes you look skinnier.”

“If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death.” = “God’s swear jar is insanely severe.”

“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.” = “Werewolves are hot, but God is probably Team Edward.”

“Judge not, that ye be not judged.” = “You’re technically not allowed to say nasty things about this post. Sorry about that.”

“There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.” = Um ... wait. Is that really in the Bible? It is? Crap. I’m out.

Good luck, kids.

Dani, it's your Birthday!

I never really got around to planning myself a real birthday party this year. (This is why it's good to have a boyfriend; you never have to plan your own party,) but I still had some fun.

The week before my birthday I decided to have a girls' night downtown with two friends. Since it was my special day I decided where we went: The Roxy. They weren't really drinking, but that didn't stop me. I love the Roxy. Always full of cute, whiteboys.

Halfway through the night a friend I hadn't seen in a while showed up. I gave him a huge hug, and along with the guy he was with we went to get some shooters in the back room.

The friend he'd brought was a little older (and a little balder) than I'd usually go for, but we really hit it off. Our personalities just really clicked. We were making small talk and I asked him what he did for a living. He said that he plays poker for a living, and before I could reply, throws in: "I'm on TV like every day." Well, you don't get to throw around that kind of statement with me around. "You did NOT just say that." I retorted.

Apparently he's in the World Poker Tour. As the night went on he kept name-dropping and I kept telling him I'd never heard of him and making fun of him for being a fame whore. He LOVED he fact that I wasn't falling all over him, and kept calling me "sassy." Ok, I think he actually kept saying I was "snarky," but in the context of "You're so snarky, I love it."

By the end of the night we'd made out a little. In the club. What are we, 19 years old? But it was fun. And he asked me for my number because he wanted to take me out. I figured why not?

When I got home I Googled the guy. Turned out he was about 38-39 years old. Yikes! But he also had made 1.75 Million dollars playing poker. Wow. I've never been one to go for a guy because of money, but those numbers are hard to argue with. Plus maturity-wise guys are supposed to be like 10 years behind girls anyways, so that made us basically the same age in our heads. I was excited to see him again.

I'm Multitalented

I was cleaning out some of my drawers the other day and came across some school work I'd kept. Here are a couple poems I did in elementary school that I thought were cute. I think at this point I was in Grade 3, which seems strange because I used the word "lust" in one poem... But I can picture the classroom I was in when I wrote them, and had class in a portable from grades 4-7. So we'll say Grade 3. I was in APEX, ok!

Haiku

Ding a ling a ling
The ice cream man is coming
Children run and Scream

Tanka (Apparently a type of poem. I'm reisting the urge to write "You're Welcome.")

Night is approaching
Daffodils are closing up
Roses close their eyes
Lilies lay down in their beds
Bedtime for little blossoms

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Always Read the Label!

I wanted to buy a couple plain tanktops just to wear under other shirts to I headed down to Old Navy the other day. I looked through the racks, grabbed a few and tried them on. Once I decided on what to purchase I decided to head back to the rack and check the colours again.

I noticed a nice, white tanktop that was made from a much better quality of material than the others, was my size and it seemed nice and long so I decided to buy it too, without trying it it on.

I got it home, and was in the middle of ripping off the label when I saw the word "Maternity" in big letters on the label... And then realized it's not long all the way around, just in the front. And since I'd just ripped the label off I couldn't return it. Way to go me!

PS. I wear it anyways and no one notices. Sweet.

RIP Amy Winehouse

Well, Amy Winehouse is dead. I'd like to say I'm surprised... buuuttt... ya know. Maybe she should have gone to rehab after all. RIP lady.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Yo-Gasm

Is it just me, or does anyone else hate yogurt commercials on TV?

They're all the same... a moderately attractive woman in her mid-30's devouring a cup of yogurt like it's a shirtless Robert Pattison... All the while moaning and groaning like it's the best thing she's ever eaten.

Seriously, it's yogurt. It's not THAT good. Keep your orgasms to yourself.

Abby Heat Game

For Christmas this year I had bought my Dad and Brother-in-Law tickets to an Abbotsford Heat game. They're both really hard to buy for, and I decided this would be fun, so along with my sister off we went.

The thing about the Heat games is that they're the farm team for the Calgary Flames... and they were playing the Toronto Marlies, the farm team for the Maple Leafs. (Aside: What the hell is a Marlie?) My Dad wasn't happy with the selection, but as usual chose to cheer for anyone but Toronto.

The game was pretty fun. No Canucks game, but what do you expect for $30 tickets?

I found it strange that most of the sponsorship at the game was from the Columbia Bible College. Especially since the arena is on the grounds of the University of the Fraser Valley. Not only did they have a booth there, but were advertising on the big screen, and had banners everywhere. I know we're in Abbotsford and all, but I don't need to be preached to, beer in hand, at a hockey game, thanks.

At one point my sister and I went to hit the ladies' room... and the cupcake stand caught my eye on the way back. I luuuurve me some cupcakes. We bought 2 packs of the mini cupcakes so everyone could have a selection of flavours. As we sit back into our seats my Dad starts to laugh. "Uh oh!" he said, as he held up a 4-pack of cupcakes. Great minds think alike I guess!

I don't even remember who won the game, so I'll say we won! Yayyy! A great end to a fun night!

I Can See the Light!

As some of you may remember I had Laser Eye Surgery last year. I've always had a bit of an eye phobia, and it was scary... but I'd decided it was time to correct my horrible vision and be free of glasses and contacts.

This February I went for my 1-year check up. I had been for 3-day, 5-day, 2-week, 1-month, 3-month, 6-month, and 9-month checks previously. At those appointments they told me that my vision was good... but because of swelling in my eye (because they had to laser-zap me so deep into my cornea) I had a bit of astigmatism. What this means to those of us who have heard the word, but have no idea what it really means, is that when I'd look at a bright light, especially if it was dark out, instead of seeing the regular boundaries of the light I was getting a bit of a glare, or a star-shine off it.

A lot of the time when people get laser eye surgery who have vision as bad as me they need a touch-up surgery to fully correct their sight.

The check-up appointment was good news. My vision is excellent ... 20/15 in each eye to be exact, which is better than 20/20. Also my astigmatism and swelling are gone. The only problem I have is that my eyes are apparently a little dry so they suggested saline eye drops. The lady even told me that she was surprised I didn't need a touch-up.

All-in-all, I'm very happy with my results and encourage anyone who's thinking about it to at least go and get a consultation. I got it done at the Valley Laser Eye Centre, where Dr Blaylock and his staff were very good. Good luck, guys!

Double Date!

As a Christmas present this year one of my girlfriends recieved from her parents a 3-month membership to E-Harmony. (Let's just say they didn't LOVE her ex-boyfriend.)

After talking to a couple guys she met one she seemed to like, and decided that she needed to set me up on a blind date with one of his friends ASAP. I'm up for anything so away I went. I met them at the Cactus Club in Burnaby. My date wasn't there yet, so I met her boy and we ate some szechwan green beans. (Is it weird that I can still remember what we were eating?)

I was having fun, the conversation was flowing... and my guy walks in. I was pleasantly surprised that he was actually cute! (You can never really trust other people. Human nature makes us all so eager to hook other people up that we'll say anything to get the job done.)

We were sitting in one of those large C-shaped booths. My friend and her guy were on one side. I was beside her guy and there was plenty of room beside me, but he pulled up a chair. My friend quickly remedied that by making us all take photos together so he had to move over. Genius.

He seemed like a really good guy. He's a fireman so he's in shape, he also has his own side business. And he does yoga. We got along pretty well. There were no awkward silences, and we both got to watch our friends kiss constantly at the table. A lovely bonding moment.

I couldn't stay long because I worked early the next morning, but he walked me to my car and asked for my number.

He called me a few days later and he came out to Langley to hang out again. He picked me up and we headed down to Milestone's. Things went well again. We had dinner and drinks and the conversation flowed ok... but I didn't feel much of a spark. I guess he didn't feel it either because I didn't hear from him. It's always nice to have a mutual-blow-off so no one's feelings get hurt. After a few more weeks my girlfriend moved on too, so I didn't have to worry about any awkwardness seeing date-guy again. Phew!

Saturday, July 09, 2011

MSP... Me No Likey

Oh yeah, it rhymes.

Being single is bad enough. I have no one to cuddle with, or bring to weddings, or... you know. Boys don't want their girlfriends hanging out with my because I may be a "bad influence." (Quick note: I've never had a friend cheat on her boyfriend around me, I think it's the blondeness.)

Paying MSP makes it even worse. As a single person I have to pay $60.50 per month for health insurance.

A family of 2 has to pay $109 a month, equaling $54.50 a person. It seems like a small difference, but they're saving themselves $72 a year, just by having a husband or wife.

I understand why the cost goes down for a family of 3, because that means there's a kid involved... and you can't count on a 2-year-old to pay a bill (slackers), but why should a married couple pay less? Do they go to the doctor less? Do they need less MRIs? CT scans?

I'm sure they get MORE ultrasounds ... damn breeders!

Bullshit! This is single predjudice!

Holiday... Celebrate!

And heeeeere's a recap of how the holidays went for me this year:

Ladies' night at Eighteen27
This is probably my favourite restaurant in Langley. My girlfriend and I got dropped off and immediately hit up the martini list. I was drinking one with eggnog in it that was super delicious. We decided to share a couple appies, including the fondue. LOVES IT! After we were sufficiently lubricated I wanted to head out to Gabatron's... but she had to get up early in the morning, so we decided to head back and hang in her hot tub. It was awesome, but in the morning I woke up with a hot tub rash, or as we like to call it "skinerosis." I got a prescription cream from the doctor and was hunky dory in no time.

Baking with Nicole
My sister and I have a certain way of doing things. I'm "the brains" and she's "the beef." I tell her what to do, and she does it, and this works for us. Nicole's known for being halfway through a recipe and then realizing that you're supposed to refrigerate the dough overnight... that type of thing. With me barking out orders: "Get out the vanilla, the flour and the brown sugar!" and her doing them as I did the dishes etc, it worked amazingly. Also, I found that baking was made even more entertaining while drinking Bacardi Breezers. Not very festive, but they do the job. We turned out a wide variety of tasty confections. Nom nom.

Chocolates
I also made chocolates with my mommy. It's fun, but harder than you think. Kind of like child labour.

Snow Tires
I don't know where the rumour started that it was supposed to be the snowiest winter in 50 years... but that person is an asshole. As my Christmas present my parents gave me money towards getting snow tires on my car. I figured since I work in Abbotsford now it was a good investment. I was WRONG. I think it snowed 3 times this year, and one of those times was BEFORE I even got the tires put on! The good thing was I got a really good deal on them from my sister's friend's dad. Thank you! A case of beer goes a long way!

Christmas
Ummm... do I remember Christmas? That I drank lots of booze and ate lots of turkey is a fair assumption. It was my niece's first Christmas so she was spoiled as shit.

Boxing Day
We see my dad's side of the family every other Boxing Day. For the Americans reading this... Boxing Day is an extra stat we get off the day after Christmas. Suck it. We typically get together with my dad's side of the family and this year was no exception. This year however instead of the typical present exchange what we did was do what the call a "White Elephant" or "Nasty Christmas" with giftcards. Where everyone puts one in and we draw names. The first person picks first, the next person can pick and new one or steal theirs, and so on. I'm usually not a fan of gift cards. They sit in my wallet for years and I forget to use them, even when I buy something at that store... but this made it fun. I ended up with a Chapter's card, which is awesome because that store is like crack to me.

Lunch with a Friend
When my sister and I were about the age that we were old enough to babysit outselves after school, but my mom didn't quite trust us to do that we went to my sister's friend's house after school. It was good times. We'd make up rhythmic gymnastics routines, scale the fence in her backyard and break into the Agrifair, and play NHL'94 on the computer, always pausing to kiss Trevor Linden's picture on the screen. Oh, to be young again. The friend and her family moved away to California, and then Phoenix, but we'd still seem them occasionally when they came up her to visit family. This year the girl our age came out herself and her and I, along with my sister all met for lunch. It was so nice to see her and catch up. No matter when you live, boy problems are universal!

New Year's
I spent New Year's Eve at a dinner party at my friend Genevieve's house. She prides herself on being a good cook, and having lots of courses, and giving me lots of forks and spoons to choose from around the plate. (Don't worry... the rest of us aren't classy like her.) She even went to the effort of making us turkey dinner. We started with soup, and then had turkey with sausage stuffing stuffed (no shit) under the skin. Potatoes, veggies... mmm. We had plenty of time in between courses to chill, listen to music, and drink some vino. Her final course was a chocolate lava cake. She took it out of the oven. and turned the pan upside-down on the counter... and whooshhhhh... "Counter Cake" was invested. What is counter cake, you ask? It's when you scoop half-cake, half fudgy pudding off the counter and eat it anways. And it was fucking delicious. After this we had our own little dance party in her living room. Her sister was visiting from Quebec, and in traditional French fashion was a little crazy and she was awesome. I'm so happy I spent New Year's this was instead of some lame club!

And those were the holidays! Stay tuned for my to bring my blog into 2011!

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Shaun's Memorial

Readers of my blog already know that I had a friend, Shaun Gauthier, who died last year of a rare form of cancer that came on very suddenly. I usually make a list of what I'm going to blog and go in order, and am months late actually getting to it, but it was important and I wrote about it at the time it was going on here.

I had found out that Shaun was sick by reading my Facebook while I was on lunch one day. It was on a tiny screen on my Blackberry, so at first I couldn't understand what was going on. As the day progressed I found out that Shaun had a kind of cancer called Angiosarcoma, and things weren't looking well.

That night we all met up at the pub to try and cheer up our friend Chris, our buddy and one of Shaun's oldest friends.

The next day Shaun was gone.

Getting ready for the funeral a friend asked me what to wear, because she's never been to one. Which made me realize I've been to 6 or so. But this was the second one where the person had been my age, and it had been sudden.

I met up with some friends and headed downtown. Everyone met at Jess and Jamie's to pre-drink. Shaun worked at Coors Light... it's ok. We all took pictures up on the rooftop patio, then headed to the church.

I've never seen a more packed memorial. The people just kept coming. You could tell that in Shaun's few years on earth he'd really touched people. Some of us more literally than others. My best Shaun memory was at Molson Canadian Mega Keg when he held me down and purposely gave me a huuuuge hickey. That was GREAT.

The memorial was nice. I was amazed how well his family and girlfriend held it together to make speeches. And there was a really nice slideshow.

Afterwards we headed out to grab some food, before going to Tunnel for a second sort-of-memorial. They had a lovely slideshow too. I won't put it on here directly because it's 15 minutes long and I don't want to freeze the computer, but it's on YouTube.

After this my friends held a 100 Gs for Shaun G night... raising over $100,000 for the Canadian Cancer foundation. Unfortunately I couldn't get the day off work. And we're currently working on our next fundraiser, which is both a raffle and an awesome night of fun and concerts. Info can be found by looking about two blogs down (haha). I urge everyone to come out and help us kick cancer's ass in Shaun's name!

Halloween

Halloween was a bit of a shit show this year. (Well, I guess it's a bit of a shit show every year) but I'd just gotten back from Vegas and was still on my super-fun-Danielle drinking streak.

My friend Chris had arranged a night at the Fox and the Fiddle again, and basically half of Langley was there.

Before the pub a few friends picked me up (dressed as an 80's rocker version of muself) and I helped them get ready with their costumes. They were "Dem Bears," which for all you girls like me out there who have NO idea what that means, it's from an old SNL skit. I helped them tie their coconut bras and hula skirts, (until they started disintigrating on the floor,) and was always ready with the glue to re-attach their moustaches. Kudos to Sean who I believe actually grew his own moustache - that's what I call attention to detail.

We had a few bevies and cabbed it to the pub. All the boys hopped out quickly, leaving me with the bill. I love my friends.

This is basically how the night went: Red Bull and Vodka, Red Bull and Vodka, kiss a boy I'd been crushing on for a while, puke in the bathroom, Red Bull and Vodka, see my friend in the corner dancing and holding his coconut bra then trying to record it and can't, get hit on by another guy I'd cuddled with the week before, Red Bull and Vodka.

The guy I kissed and his friend needed somewhere to stay so I let them crash at my place. It's always funny to wake up and see bits and pieces of costumes at the front door... Like, what the hell happened last night? Why is there a foot at my door? And then I drove them back to the pub. In their costumes. Seriously, I want to spend next November 1st downtown to photograph all the amazing walk of shame outfits.

The thing is too, I have the BEST joke about the boy I kissed and his costume, but I can't write it because everyone would know who I was talking about... Well, I'm sure people saw anyways, but would have drunkenly forgotten... and after texting me for a week and then suddenly stopping... I discovered it must have been because he's seeing another girl... he's still with.

At least it was a fun night... and all the best to them!

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Cancer Fundraiser Promo

Most of you guys know that I help out my friends Chris and Jamie with the fundraiser they do each year. Their mom died of breast cancer when they were young, so they've been raising money for a while. This year our friend Shaun Gauthier passed away suddenly from cancer also, so it means even more to us.

I'm selling raffle tickets right now. They're 5 for $20 or $5 each. The prize list is incredible and can be found here. The list features things like nights at fancy hotels, hockey tickets, spa days, GCs to restaurants, etc. Thanks so much to all my friends that donated prizes!

If you would like to buy some ticket's I'd be ever so grateful! Just call me or message me on Facebook!

In addition to the raffle we're doing an amazing party at the Langley Events Centre July 9th. Everyone is welcome. There will be beer gardens, Grey Goose Cocktails, concerts featuring Default and Daniel Wesley, hamburgers and hot dogs, and Jugo Juice (which tastes amazing wtih booze.)

Here's the video promo featuring the awesome acting skills of my friends :)

Oh Yes it's Ladies Night!

In October, myself and 2 friends attended "Ladies Night" at my personal trainer's rugby club in Burnaby. Two words best describe this night: Gong and Show.

My trainer had told me that no one really needed to dress up, so we got there in our cute shirts and jeans, only to see 19-year-old girls in almost prom wear. The best way to get over feeling under dressed? Drink!

They had cute little drink menus for us; all the tables and drinks were named after different areas of New York. Oh, and who were we getting served by? The rugby players themselves. Our player/waiter was a super cute guy from Australia. Tall, dark, 5 O'Clock shadow... Yes, please!

As they were trying to make lotsa moola for their club they were also selling shooters... and for each round purchased your waiter would take off an article of clothing. By the end most of them were only wearing slacks and a bowtie. And these guys are fit! Well, except the chubbers.

We ate, we drank, and then it was time for the show. They'd hired a male stripper to come perform for us. He was about 5'6" and had long, blonde hair. Think David Spade with a nice body. I don't think most women are actually turned on by these shows... but I was laughing my ass off the whole time. I mean how often do you get to see a swinging dong out in public? Not too often (unless you've just seen Hangover II. Spoiler alert!)

After the nakedness one of the rugby players did a stand-up comedy
set for us and he was actually really good. I've seen comics that were worse at Yuk Yuk's. I give a lot of credit to comedians. I mean, I'm clearly hysterically funny myself... but I can't do it on demand, it has to come to me.

We also played a few games... featuring me straddling our waiter trying to break a balloon on his lap. I guess my crotch just isn't sharp enough (probably a good thing!) so I was bouncing away forever! Finally it popped, but we lost.

The rest of the night gets a little more hazy. By this point we'd merged our table with another set of girls to be able to merge our shooter buying power and up the naked factor. The dance floor was bumping... people had sharpies out and half naked bodies were getting written on.

I ended up making out with out waiter on the balcony... and one of my friends made out with another one on the couch in the spare room.

We made it back to our friends house to crash. The one who didn't live there thinks it's haunted. I really have no opinion about stuff like that but I was sort of intrigued.

The next day and for a while after I'd get texts from the cute Australian wanting to hang out. Problem is that he has no car, and I'm no one's chauffer. Also, his texts were as indecipherable as a 12-year-olds. It hurt my grammar-Nazi brain to figure out what he was saying. Eventually it fizzled out.

Only four more months til next year's Ladies Night. Who's in?

My Mind has been Blown!

The two things I love the most combined... Katy Perry and My Little Ponies. I have no words. Thanks Nicole.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Shoot Me

I was sitting at Kaltire today, waiting while they changed over my summer/winter tires. They had told me it would be about an hour so I brought a book with me. I was all alone in the waiting area, and even with the TV on in the corner and the sounds from the garage I started to get into my book.

I had started this book probably three times before, and just hadn't put enough hard reading time into it to get past the first couple chapters. I'd put it aside for a while and forget what was going on and have to restart it. To give me some credit I wasn't reading one of the Shopaholic novels... I was reading Schindler's List. I don't care if this makes me sound like a dumbass: It's kind of a hard book, ok!?

As I was saying, I was starting to get into my book when another customer came into the waiting area. He walked over to the TV, tried to change the channel, and when he figured out he couldn't he turned up the volume and sat a seat away from me. At this point I was still ok.

Half and hour and a few chapters later a lady came into the waiting room, and even though there were two chairs on the opposite side she sat down directly between me and the man. Seriously, do you know know seating ettiquette? What is this, the damn Skytrain?

Then they started talking. The longer they talked the more steamed I became. I tried to read but I couldn't concentrate. The woman was super loud and also had the same voice as the character Holly on The Office. I kept expecting her to do a funny Yoda voice.

The woman bragged the whole time. She was one of those people like the "Penelope" character on Saturday Night Live who have to out-do everyone else.

The man mentioned that he'd shattered his ankle and had been on crutches... so she started talking about how her uterus became dislodged when she was making the bed and how she has to have surgery to get it "tucked back up." Her own words. Seriously, I could not make this up. She mentions that she can't have it now because she's "on tour." At this point I thought to myself "Hmm maybe she's famous, I should get a better look," but she travels with a children's choir. Not that cool. If it was Disney on Ice I'd have been impressed.

Then they discussed travel. He mentioned he likes to travel, so she started talking about how she's going to Europe, blah blah blah: "I've been to Versaille 3 times! I mean It's a great city but I'm done!"

After this she brings up how she went to volunteer at the Langley Lodge... And then starts bitching about how they're asking too much of her. "They keep asking me to help organize things. Don't they know how busy I am with work and home? I mean it's NOT like I'm getting paid for it! It just became too much so I quit." If you're too busy to help out don't go in and ASK to volunteer you stupid, stupid woman! Of course if you say you want to help they will ask for help!

At this point another woman walked in. She sat across from me and quietly read a cook book. She never made eye contact or I was seriously going to mock shooting myself in the head with my finger. Maybe even sign the brains coming out the opposite end.

Finally they called me to tell me that my car was ready. Phew.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

In October was my parents' 30th Anniversary. I know, that's a LONG time to be together.

My sister and I had decided weeks earlier that we wanted to plan something. We'd already had big parties at the house recently for my mom's 50th birthday/my niece's being born so we decided to do something a little more low-key.

We told them that we were going to take them out to a nice dinner, just them, me, my sister and her husband and insisted we were paying. What we really did was invite a group of their oldest and dearest friends to be there too and surprise them.

Well, pulling one over on my dad isn't that easy... since he doesn't really like us to be spending money on him. He kept telling us that he'd rather us cook him dinner at home (Thanksgiving was coming up so he just wanted to combine it and have us make turkey.) We kept having to have fake reasons why we wanted to go out to eat. Finally (after being bitched at for the 5th time) I blurted out "We have a coupon!" trying to make him feel better. My idiot sister replies "We do?" Arghhh. "Um.. yes." We didn't.

We'd decided that for the party we wanted to decorate a little bit using their wedding colours... Brown and peach. It ws the 80's, don't ask. We made them little wedding favours of fuzzy peaches and chocolate covered cramberries wrapped in lace, with their names and the date attached with ribbon. They were super cute.

That night we arrived at Galini Greek Kouzina (my fave!) and my parents were completely surprised to see all their friends! Yay! Well actually one set of their friends was MIA. They h adn't called or anything... strange for grown-ups. But the strangest thing was that neither of them carry a cell phone. In this day and age. Strange!

The dinner was wonderful. I even stood up and made a speech (there was no way my sister would have.) Bascially we wanted to thank our parents for raising us right and all the things they've provided us iwht over the years. And we told them that nowadays so many of our friends have divorced parents and broken families and we're glad they're still together and can show us how a relationship can really work. See, I can be sentimental occasionally!

My dad did have to have his way and although he let us pay for his dinner he insisted on paying for all the drinks for the whole table. On HIS anniversary. Oh well, whatever makes him happy.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Quarry Living... Really?

As I was driving to my sister's house in Abbotsford the other day I came across a sign for a new housing development called Quarry Living. Why in the world would they call it that, you ask? Well, because the area they're building in used to be a giant rock quarry. It sounds like something out of The Flintstones.

Seriously, how is advertising that your house used to be a rock pile a big selling feature? What's next? Indian burial ground condos? Toxic waste townhomes? Garbage dump apartments? Yabba Dabba De-lightful.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Pre-Halloween

A couple weekends before Halloween I went with some friends to a birthday party downtown. It was a dress-up party, and oh what a dress-up party it was. The birthday boy was the splitting image Gene Simmons of KISS, enormous platform boots and all. Guests were taking bets on how long it would take him to fall over. His wife was wearing an Alice in Wonderland's Evil Queen costume. Her hubby had picked it out, hence its boobyliciousness.

The party was pretty fun. It was in the little party room at their appartment building, which was kinda random. Especially since you needed a key to go to the bathroom and get back into the party. There were plenty of good snacks, which is always a plus. I don't remember much, but I do remember blaring Lady Gaga and jumping up and down on the couch, shoeless. At one point a girl puked red wine ALL over the stairs and the hallway... And she was at the age where you think she'd have been able to hold her booze.

At about midnight snacks arrived: gourmet hot dogs! They were pretty good. I think I had 2 and my friend had 3. Drunk hot dogs are the best!

After the party we decided to head back to the girl's place where we were staying, along with her boyfriend and his friend that has a crush on my friend. We drank and laughed for a while before I decided to head to bed.

I kept waiting for my friend to come join me, but was happy to see her with the cute boy on the couch in the morning. Score! Or so I thought. They'd cuddled the whole night and he hadn't tried anything. Not even one little kiss! All this after he'd told his friend he had a crush on her.

Men, here's a little secret. Yes, we like a little bit of holding back, a little bit of the chase too... but we also want to know you're interested. A little kiss-kiss is ok... as long as you're not harassing us to sleep with you. There's a fine line.

Not a Great Morning

As I was getting ready for work this morning my mom was on her way out the door, then she walked in and asked if I'd left my car window open last night. Definitely not. There was a pile of glass surrounding my smashed-in driver's side window.

What did they take? Well, a book of CD's (not my burned ones, the ones I'd actually paid for), a bag of clothes (not even mine, a sweatshirt and jeans a girlfriend had let me wear home one morning after a night of drinking), some $250 sunglasses, some runners, and the best part yet my insurance papers.

This all happened around 6am, so the person is clearly pretty ballsy to do this during a time people are getting up and leaving for work.

We called the cops, not that they're likely to be able to do much. The guy who showed up was kinda cute. Married though.

After that I had to take my car into the auto glass shop to get my window replaced. I had gotten a crack in my windshield the week before (on a side note, I'd had a chip for like 3 years and then got hit by a huge rock in a totally unrelated area which cracked right way) so I figured I'd kill 2 birds with one stone and just get it fixed at the same time.

The deductible on the windshield is $200 and on the car is $300. Of course you can't just pay ONE deductible, that would make too much sense. As it turns out it's much cheaper to just pay for the side window myself. Thanks for not even mentioning that, ICBC.

Total money lost today: windshield $200, side window $140, hours of work missed $170, CDs $200+, replacing registration papers $18. Having to tell my girlfriend she doesn't get her clothes back... priceless.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

An Opinion Piece

Last night on Survivor, Matt, who had just been on Redemption Island for the last 5 weeks, got to return to the game, only to be voted off again and return to his exile the same episode.

The entire episode he waxed poetic about how it must be God's Will. On and on and on... God this, Christian that.

Well, let me tell you... If God exists then he/she has better things to worry about than a reality TV show.

Our world is dealing with seemingly endless natural disasters lately, unrest in the Middle East, people in North America losing their homes, not to mention radioactive waste leaking into our ocean.

Get a fucking clue.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

I Hate McDonalds Now!

This video is a-mazing.

"I like playing in the damn playpen in McDonalds!"

"I can make my own damn soda, you know that right? Sugar, water Kool-Aid, bitch!"

Monday, March 21, 2011

Vegas Day Five

Yes, we are the only people that stay in Vegas longer than 4 days.

I awoke to hear the people in the room next to us having sex again. Seriously, I was starting to get jealous. We got up, packed up, and took our luggage downstairs to store for the day before we had to head to the airport.

There were a few things we had wanted to do in Vegas, but hadn't yet, so we figured we better get around to it. My girlfriend had her heart SET on going on the gondola ride at the Ventian so we figured why not. The thing is there are two sets, an indoor and an outdoor ride, and they aren't connected. We set out to get some info about them, and it wasn't as easy as you'd think. We waited in the inside line, only to be told that we had to buy our tickets elsewhere, so we went to the place to buy tickets and got some more info. The outside ride is about a minute less than the inside ride, but it was gorgeous out so we decided on that one and had to head back outside. The ride was kind of fun, even though it lasted only about 6-7 minutes I think? The gondola guy was super nice and he sang to us in Italian (hot.) He also was telling us that about once a month someone falls into the water there. Vegas crazies I tell ya!

Nothing makes me hungrier than boating in 6-inch water so we decided to grab a cab to In-N-Out Burger. It was all our our first times and we'd heard amazing things. The burger was in fact pretty delicious, but the fries weren't great. Kind of a weird texture, like those popcorn twists that melt in your mouth. Mickey D's still definitely has the best fries on record.

After that we sorta wandered the strip until it was time to go home. I remember for some reason standing in front of the fountain at the Bellagio for about a half hour. Oh yeah, I think my friend wanted picutres (even though I'm sure she had taken a hundred already) and we got there JUST too late for the previous show.

As we were meandering along I do remember a guy hitting on me... and calling me "Sugarbum." Best nickname ever! Honestly, I will answer to Sugarbum from now on.

At the airport I ate a Cinnabon and it was the most delicious thing ever. Why did they ever take them out of the Abby/Langley malls? Oh yeah, for the sake of my Sugarbum :)

On the plane I was the hit of the party. I don't even remember how it happened but I ended up telling the couple behind to to stop it with the PDA (they weren't even making out,) and the husband was totally joking around with me while the wife was looking embarassed. Also there was this semi-cute Asian guy behind me who I was chatting with and turned out to be a DJ from Vancouver. He kept telling how awesome he was... and then at the end when I was like "So what are you, DJ Awesome?" um yeah he was. DJ Johnny Awesome to be specific.

Oh yeah, and remember the guy I met in the pool that was on our same flight? When my friend got up to go to the bathroom he came and sat beside me... And asked me to join the Mile High Club with him again. I laughed and said no. He replied with "Why wouldn't you?" and kept asking me why not. Um... I don't know you, you probably have herpes, the bathrooms are yucky, and not to mention tiny. Shall I go on? He returned to his seat. (Oh but he did text me later that night and say he had nowhere to stay so could he stay at my house? I told him to ask my Dad.)

We touched down, grabbed our luggage and headed home. (With a quick stop at the duty free for some Grey Goose... so cheap!)

All in all it was a very successful ladies trip. I can't wait to go back!

Friday, March 04, 2011

Vegas Day Four

Our fourth day in Vegas was another sleep in, then go to the pool day. Except that this time everyone was even more hungover and I went by myself. The girls trickled in one by one to join me.

The pool this day was filled with entertaining people to meet. Two British ladies walked over and started a conversation with me... about how their brother over there on the other side of the pool thinks I'm cute and I should go over and talk to him. He was fat, bald, and wearing a cowboy hat. YES! Totally my type! (Obviously kidding.) Oh yeah, I should mention that these ladies didn't have posh sounding accents, like hot black British guy, or Harry Potter... they had total cockney accents. So what they were saying came out like: "Do ye want to meet me brotha? He fancies you! He's a fine bloke, me brotha!" I politely declined.

There were also a couple of guys sitting near us that we had our eyes on.
Can you say abs? When we finally started talking to them it turned out they were from Prince George. I'm telling you, half the people you meet in Vegas are from BC. And once we got to talking we discovered that they were going to be on our plane ride home. I was flirting with one of them when he mentioned that we should join the Mile High Club on the way home. I laughed it off.

After pool time we headed to Pink's for a hot dog. Well, mine was more of a burrito that happened to have a wiener (well, 2 weiners) in it. It was huge and it had chili and cheese and tomatoes. The chili was delicious. I'd order it again but I think I'd actually rather have it sans-weiner.

That night the other 2 girls went to see "O" by Cirque de Soliel while we napped. Well, tried to nap, the neighbors were at it again! We met the girls after their show for dinner at an Italian restarant in the Venetian. It seemed really strange to be eating pasta at 10ish at night.

The restaurant we were at didn't have its own restroom, you had to use the hotel ones, but we discovered that we could sneak into the adjoining restaurant and use theirs. I walked through the glass doors, and then headed up the stairs... Where I was greeted by a male bathroom attendant... Who opened the bathroom door for me. Interesting. Then I walked into the bathroom, and he accompanied me, and opened the stall door too. Strange. It turned out that this bathroom won an award in 2009 for America's Best Public Restooms. Everything in there is marble, with gold trim. There's even a lion's head fountain and fancy murals on the wall.

We took it easy on Freemont Street that night. Walked around with a couple of beers and watched the light show, which was a "Born to be Wild" theme featuring motorcycles and skulls. We then hopped a cab to the Wynn and Encore to follow up crappy Vegas with schmancy Vegas! And then walked the entire way back. A lovely walk to end a lovely day.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Vegas Day Three

I woke up with a sore throat, headache and stuffy nose. Oh, had I failed to mention that on the airplane ride down the lady who sat beside me was coughing up a lung the entire time, and not even trying to cough into her arm or the corner? Yeah, I saw this one coming. There is such a thing as cold etiquette, people! Keep your germs to yourself!

We decided to hit the strip, walk around and check out a bunch of hotels. This was fun and all, but after a point all I wanted to do was go back to the room and nap... so I did.

I woke up a few hours later feeling refreshed. I hopped in the shower and started getting ready for the night. I assumed the girls would be back soon... but I waited, and waited and waited. Apparently they were busy walking around yelling "DAY DRUNK" and taking pictures with man-strippers. Do I sound bitter? Ok, I was jealous, I admit it. No day drunk for me.

We had dinner at PF Chang's that night and it was surprisingly good. It was more "real" Chinese-foody than I expected.

After dinner we hopped into a cab and headed to Voodoo Lounge at the Rio. The cab ride was one of the funniest things that happened the whole week. My "DTMF" girlfriend sat in the front with our Arabic driver and proceeded to grill him about how to say different things in his language. Unfortunately, he'd only been in the country 3 weeks or so and it was a bit of a challenge. Most of the things she was asking weren't exactly things you'd use on a daily basis as a cabbie. The main thing she was trying to learn to say was "Do you want to have sex with me?" She kept trying to explain it in different ways to get him to understand, finally blurting out: "What would you say if I wanted to ask you to have sex with me?" Without skipping a beat he turned to her and stated: "I would say... No problem!" I almost peed myself laughing.

Voodoo Lounge is super cool because it's way up on the 51st floor and the view is amazing. However, the other patrons left a little bit to be desired. It must have been classic rock night or something, because the dance floor was full of 45-year-old men. We grabbed a drink and headed to the edge of the patio that overlooked the VIP section. We were watching a super-drunk man dancing at what seemed to be a work party. He started to walk over to say hi to us, and two women stopped him. We couldn't overhear the conversation, but there was definitely some finger wagging.

We left Voodoo and headed across the street to The Palms, which has 2 clubs. We stopped in at Ghost first. It had a really nice set up, and like Voodoo had a large patio with a great view. It even had areas of the floor that were see-thru, just like in the CN Tower. However, just like its name, Ghost was empty. (Except for some little Asian boys from Burnaby that we met. Small world.)

Once again we bailed and headed to our final desination: Moon. I will describe our time at Moon as a drunk dance-a-thon shit-show. We somehow ended up in a breakdance circle pretending we were in Step Up 3D. I remember at some point a guy jumped on the floor and dove through my legs and then started doing the worm... And I distinctly remember someone taping us on his iPhone and hoping I wasn't going to end up on You Tube. So far so good!

My feet were killing me so I talked a guy into letting us chill with him and his friends at their table... where I proceeded to jump barefoot onto the speaker and start dancing. The bouncer walked over and I was waiting for him to tell me to get the hell down, and he only told me to put my shoes back on. Vegas is so much cooler than Vancouver! Day 3 was a success!

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Anti-Bullying Flash Mob

Way to go Vancouver! Students from David Lloyd George Elementary and Sir Winston Churchill Secondary got together in January to do an anti-bullying flash mob at Oakridge Centre. Amazing! It even ended up on Perez!

Take a look!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Vegas Day Two

After a nice sleep-in we woke around noon (I haven't slept that late since I was a teenager) and decided to head down to the pool. Well, those of us that weren't trying not to toss our cookies went. Brit guy's friends had all left that morning to he came and joined us for a while.

The pool at Planet Hollywood is sort of disappointing. The pool patio area is enormous, but there are only 2 small pools, and the vast majority of chairs around them are cabanas or misting chairs that you have to pay for. It was hard to find a few loungers all together. You had to be ready to pounce when anyone left. It made me miss the lazy river from MJM where I'd stayed last time.

That night one friend and I headed to see The Beatles - Love Cirque de Soliel show. (The other girls were going to see "O" later in the week.) We were in the 4th row and it was fantastic. At one point this huge sheet comes across the audience and covers you. Underneath it the guy with a teapot waved at us. We giggled like schoolgirls. We thought it covered the whole audience but apparently it was only the first couple rows. I've seen a couple Cirque's but I really liked knowing the words to the music. It was funny too, that when the show ended and the cast was walking around the stage waving and bowing that we kept getting checked out by the boys.

We left the show and our other friends met us at BLT Burger for some din-din. The burger I had was only ok, but my friend had the Veggie Falafal burger which was amazing. The best part were the boozy milkshakes though. We had the "Night Rider" which had Kahlua, chocolate liquer, Oreos and chocolate ice cream. It may have been the tastiest thing I've ever put in my mouth.

That night we headed down the strip and gambled for a bit at the Flamingo. It was kinda cool because right beside my Three Card Poker table was a stage where girls were dancing in some awesome pink lingerie. Gotta get me some of that! (The lingerie, not the girls.) At the table I was sitting beside a guy from Wisonsin who kept slamming Vancouver. He was all: "Ooh do they finally have running water up there?" Hello buddy, Vancouver is one of the prettiest places on earth and you live in WISCONSIN. Friggin' Cheesehead!

Vegas Baby! Day One

In September I took a trip with 3 of my girlfriends to Las Vegas. It was in one word, epic.

Day one: Arrival in Vegas around 3:00. We checked in at Planet Hollywood and headed upstairs to take a look. We were in the Beetlejuice themed room, bloody arm in the coffee table and all. We had a nice view of the pool area with the Bellagio fountain in the distance. The bathroom was the best... It was enormous, with a mirror and sink on both sides. Enough room for 4 girls to share with no fights. And that's saying something.

We headed downstairs to wander around. It took us probably 2 hours to even leave our hotel. First stop was boozy slushies. My two girlfriends got one of those guitars to share and it took them a half hour of not getting anything through the straw until they finally took my advice that the straw had a hole in it and went to get a new one. They weren't even drunk yet, just that slow.

For dinner we ate at this southern place in the hotel. The main reason was because I saw that they had Dorito-crusted mac and cheese. Then I saw that they had deep-fried pickles on the menu, which I'd been DYING to try. They're actually pretty good. They've got the dill flavour, but a fun crunchiness.

That night we headed to Koi Lounge, the club in our hotel. We had gotten tickets that for $20 allowed us to skip the line/cover and drink for free all night. HELLO! The bar was kind of empty, but picking up when the hostess asked us if we wanted to go "entertain" some guys in the VIP section. Well, why not? They turned out to be from Alberta and owned an oil company. Goodbye crappy vodka, hello Grey Goose and Red Bull! We even had a girl to pour our drinks for us. Two of my friends seemed to be getting along nicely with two of the boys. I told one that she should make out with him, to hear her answer "I already did!" Atta girl! Our other friend, the only non-single lady, wasn't DTF, she was DTMF (down to make friends.)

Around this point we'd decided to leave the club to go see some strippers. I was gathering everyone together and we were almost at the door when my one girlfriend literally RAN away from me with her guy. I chased her out the door yelling for her to wait and like a stubborn two-year-old she grinned at me and ran in the opposite direction.

At this point two guys ran upto me, grabbed my hand and convinced me to stay. I thought they worked at the club, but it turned out they were from England here visiting. My remaining friends and I were talking to them for a few minutes and the guy from Alberta who my friend had kissed got all jealous. Seriously buddy? I wasn't about to go see the strippers with Sir-Rage-Alot so we stayed at the club.

My two friends left to grab some pizza and I stayed to talk to one of the British guys. Half black, super tall, cute accent. In my drunken stupor we were having some seriously deep conversations... religion, politics... all the things you aren't supposed to talk about. Around 3am I let him walk my back to my room. I was surprised that no-one was back yet.

I made out with him for a few minutes on the bed when the door opened and my friend who'd taken off to the stripclub appeared with her man. She'd had a great time, considering she'd been asked to stop touching the strippers while getting a lap dance. Since the main room was "taken" they headed into the bathroom. Brit guy and I had no idea what was going on, but we could hear talking, banging around and stuff hitting the floor. (It turned out it wasn't as exciting as it sounded through the door.) To further the experience we started to hear moaning through the wall from the couple next door. (Which was on and off for 2 days.)

My friends showed up from having pizza, the boys left and we headed to bed. Normally this would be where the story ended for the night, except my one friend was so drunk that she slept-walked out the door and got locked out. We were so passed out that no-one woke up to her pounding on the door so she had to go downstairs in her tank top and booty shorts, where they escorted her back upstairs and she was finally let in.

To sum it up, everybody got Vegas kissy-face except my friend with a boyfriend = good night :)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way :)

Well you all know by now that I love Lady Gaga.

Here's a video of a little girl, Maria, doing her version. Lady Gaga tweeted it to all her followers today. Amazing!

Friday, January 28, 2011

What is the Internet??

I don't even like to think about the days before the internet. Having to actually talk to people face-to-face, having to use a real map for directions, having to sit outside someone's house peeking in the window if you want to stalk them. *Shiver*

Please enjoy this video of the Today Show from January, 1994. That little mark, that looks like an "A" but with a ring around it? So confusing!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Ba-Ba-Ba-Butterface

I've been doing some thinking about Butterfaces. If you've been hiding under a rock a Butterface is a girl who has a slamming body... but when you pan up the face leaves a little to be desired. You know... Everything's hot... BUT TER FACE.

Here are some amazing examples for those who learn better through pictures:


And I came across this: Top Ten Celebrity Butterfaces.

Now, the reason I got to thinking about this is Mike "The Sitation." Mike is a classic butterface. The pic on the right were you can only see his abs is far superior to the left one.

I wondered if you can call a guy a Butterface. I mean, the direct translation would be "Buthisface" and it just doesn't have the same ring to it. I decided to do some searching.

The first thing I can across were some famous male Butterfaces. They include Jessie "Steroid Free?" from Big Brother,


and Michael "I look better when a swimming cap holds my ears down" Phelps.


Finally I came across a post on a bodybuilding forum about if girls use the term Butterface for guys.

Apparently girls are less cruel and tend to stick with "He's sooo nice though," or "He has a GREAT personality!"

Finally I saw the light: "Brown Baggers." Yes, the appropriate end to my not-so-appropriate search. All is well again in the world!