I read an article on a plane recently that made me laugh so much I almost peed me pants, and so loudly the whole plane was wondering what was going on. It was 100 Crazy, Dirty Sex Questions (Answeed in 20 Words or Less) in October's Cosmopolitan.
Some of the questions I actually found interesting, and some were so retarded I can't even handle that people would ask them. Please allow me to share some of the goodies, and my smart ass answers.
1. Could frequesnt shrinking-say due to cold water-cause a penis to become smaller permanantly? Really? REALLY?
8. Is there a suble way to spit out semen after oral sex? Run to the bathroom gagging. They LOVE that.
12. If you're pregnant can the man's penis hit the baby during sex? According to my hero, Carrie Bradshaw, that's where dimples come from.
18. Why is semen so gooey? So your pearl necklace lasts longer.
22. What's the smallest penis ever recorded? They said It's five-eighths of an inch. Poor, poor guy.
27. Is it ok to use an electric toothbrush as a vibrator? Damn, they said no. As a hygienist I could have made a fortune selling these as double-duty!
36. Is it life-threatening for a guy to blow air up your vadge while going down on you, or is that an urban legend? Ok, apparently this one is actually true, it could cause a fatal embolism. Although I have no idea why a guy would do that. They like queefs?
40. What happens if semen gets in my eye? Can I go blind? No, it just gives you magical x-ray vision.
42. He wants me to give his butt hole oral attention. Is that sanitary? That's where poo poo comes from. You tell me!
47. My guy and I have sex frequently, and he always comes inside me. Is it possible to have too much sperm in my vagina? Your mom told me, no.
57. I have braces on my teeth. Can I still go down on a guy? Have you seen the 14-year old whores around lately. Obvs the answer is YES!
67. My guy had a third nipple. Is it as sensitive as his other two? Now it's just getting weird.
83. My partner asked if he could ejaculate onto my face. Why would he want to do that? Lemme guess, you're the same one who asked about the cum in the eye?
94. Is it normal to cry after sex? If it's that bad, dump him darling!
Hope you enjoyed these gems just as much as I did!