A little before Christmas I started seeing a guy, let's call him BJ. Things started well, we met up at the dog park and hung out with his dog, then drove to have some sushi. That same night we went to see New Moon in the theatre.
There were a couple weird things though: 1. He wouldn't talk to me on the phone, only though Blackberry Messenger, and 2. He wouldn't tell me his last name (due to his job.)
We hung out a few more times, and he asked me to stay over and cuddle (no funny stuff) almost right away. He even let me know where his key was and I'd go walk his dog for him while he was at work. It almost seemed like we just popped into having a bf/gf type relationship right away.
One night we were sitting on the couch, about to go to bed, and he was checking on his hockey pool online. As he closed the window his MSN login popped up, with his email that contained his last name. I pointed at it and said "Oooh" then we went to bed.
While talking a few days later I made a joke about how he's not as mysterious anymore since I know his last name now. He was like "What?" and I told him how I had seen it over his shoulder when he was on the computer. He then called me a liar and accused me of sneaking through his stuff while he was out. He then "broke up" with me, as much as you can break up with someone that you aren't even exclusive with. He also said that I had said a few things to "scare him" but wouldn't give me any details. Ummm... you were the one that kept asking me to stay over, and you were the one that asks me to walk your dog... but I'M scaring YOU?
We decided to be friends. My other friend the "love guru" said that BJ knew that I'd seen the MSN over his shoulder, but wouldn't admit it, because then he'd be wrong and lose all his power. I found that one an interesting possibility.
A few days later BJ asked me to come over and watch a movie. I went over with my best "we're just friends" attitude and sat on the other side of the couch. Almost immediately he pulled me in to cuddle. Ok, I thought... what's going on here? While I was standing in the kitchen he even swatted me on the bum... and after the movie asked if I was gonna stay over. Thoroughly confused, I went home alone.
Our relationship continued this way. We were just friends, but very flirty, and I'd stay over at his house a few nights a week to cuddle.
I'd ask him to do other things, go for lunch or dinner or coffee, but he always claimed to be too broke, even though half the time when we were talking he was out with his friends or father, drinking.
Now, you may be thinking "BOOTY CALL!" And I'd agree, except for one thing... I was getting NO booty! Nothing, Nada! And it was driving me crazy. Sleeping in a bed half naked next to an attractive guy is hard. And not only did he not try anything, I was DENIED. I mean, I've denied plenty of guys sex in my day, but I can't think of a time that I never didn't get it when I wanted it.
So NOW you may be thinking "GAY GAY GAY" And I'd agree, except for one other thing, he'd want me to go down on him. But did he want to reciprocate?... Nope!
We had a few conversations about his. At first he claimed he was too tired for sex (but not too tired for a gummer?) Then he claimed that due to his being a Christian he wanted to wait for marriage, despite the fact that he's not a virgin. "So blow jobs are ok, but sex isn't?" I asked him... "Nope, neither." He replied. I was so, so, so confused. I just gave up on it. Cuddling was all he was going to get.
A few weeks later he decided to move. That morning we met up for a bit, and what do you know... BJ wanted a BJ. But this time he was ready to negotiate... If I gave him one now, he said he'd meet up with me later so we could FINALLY do it. Thoroughly sexually frustrated, I agreed. I also took his dog from him to babysit for a few hours while he moved. And what do I get in return? A message hours later that we had no place to go, he'd already given the key back to the landlord, and was drunk at the pub. Could I bring his dog there? Because he was too drunk to drive. I was livid.
He moved to the next town and would message me occasionally. We still talk every so often, and even hung out the other weekend. I know it will never go anywhere though.
After all of this, when he moved away and I had time to think about it, I can't believe I let myself be used so much. I was always available to help him out, but got nothing in return. He never even took me for the lunch he promised me for walking his dog so often. When we talk now I finally stand up for myself, and call him out when he's being an asshole. He just thinks I got meaner.
At least I've learned something: never date a guy that doesn't treat you well, no matter how hot he is. I'll never again lose who I am to fit in with what a man wants.