Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Well, they have a spot where they put factual errors that take place in the show. This is what it said for Arrested Development:
Factual errors: A relationship between first cousins, as played out in the "taboo" relationship between George-Michael and Maeby, is not, in fact, incestuous. First cousin is the closest rank of blood relationships that is not incestuous. A relationship with anyone in the direct line (one's parents, grandparents, children, grandchildren, etc.) is incestuous. In the collateral line, only the first and second degree (one's siblings and one's parents' siblings, IE, one's aunts and uncles) are incestuous. Their offspring (which would be one's nieces, nephews and first cousins) constitute the first degree of blood relation that is not incestuous, along with every degree of removal after them.
OK... What I want to know is HOW does this person know this? Maybe the person his/herself is having a cousin-to-cousin relationship? Because really, even if it isn't technically "incest" it's still creepy as hell! Funny on the show... but creepy in real life. Down with flipper babies!
Hmmm pretty good, a few more wrinkles but it adds character, right? Let's see another:
Let's try a picture of Jason a few years ago, circa "Juno":
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Sunday, May 09, 2010
This is what the person had to say:
"it was painful, but i dug through her "blog" which is more like a 14 year olds journal saying who she wants to do and whatnot, which is sickening, and i found the story from the tart...single white female: Hockey players are so charming, aren't they?well one of them...i'm SO sure the players are lining up to "do" her like she claims. what a dumb sl00t. "
First off: How do you pull off putting "blog" in quotations? Are you Joey from Friends and don't know how to use them? Whether you like what I write or not it's still called a blog, idiot.
Secondly: It's called COMEDY! I clearly am not "doing," nor would I "do" all of these hockey players. It's so sad that guys can say whatever comments they want, and a female says something a little out there and gets called a slut. Let's try to put me in the category of Sarah Silverman, ok? Or Chelsea Handler. Or Jenny McCarthy. Obviously I'm not in their league, but I use the same type of sometimes out there comedy and no one rags on them!
Thirdly: That blog posting gets 50% of the traffic of everyone who goes to my blog. Mostly from people Googling "Hottest NHL Players," so obviously there's a niche for it.
Lastly: I don't make up anything on my blog. If I said it, it's true. Maybe you're just mad no NHL players want to bed your fat, ugly ass.
I got a ride out to White Rock with a couple, expecting to take a cab back later on.
ULounge was fun... they have lots of fun, girly, (albeit expensive) drinks. I think one of them tasted like cherry coke or something... Mmmm. I'd probably remember bettter if I wasn't writing this blog posting around 8 months late... my bad!
We drank, ate and had fun. I remember talking to some cute guys who worked for some alcohol company. Might have been beer... might have been Vodka? Maybe they should do their job better so I'd remember!
It was a fun night, getting to sit around and chat and mingle.
One of the guys I know dropped his wallet in the toilet in the bathroom, so he washed off all his cards and then threw his wallet in the trash.
I sat for a while with my buddy and his girlfriend who had said that they were gonna hit up Vanilla Room a little later. They said they'd driven there so I asked if I could hitch a ride and go to V-Room with them, to which they agreed. As the night went on I talked about it with his girlfriend a few times.
After a significant number of drinks, people started to head out to the bar. I went to pay my bill, telling the girlfriend not to leave without me. Then I realized that I didn't have my wallet! I called home to find out that I'd left it on the table. I was relieved it wasn't stolen, but still had to find a way to pay my bill. One of my friends came through and walked over to the bank to get some money out for me to pay. Then he and some other people hopped into a cab to head out.
Once that was all dealt with I went to find my ride, but they were no where to be seen! I looked all through the restaurant and outside but couldn't find them at all. So, I called my buddy.
Me: "Where are you?"
Himn: "On the way to Vanilla Room."
Me: "Without me?"
Him: "What do you mean?"
Me: "I told your girlfriend to wait for me because I was going to go with you."
Him: "Oh, I didn't know that."
Me: "Well yeah, I talked to her about it a few times during the night."
Him: "Oh well, sorry."
Me: "I normally wouldn't ask but I'm stuck here without a ride and without my wallet so do you think you could come back and get me?"
Him: "Well we're already halfway there."
Me: "But I'm stuck with no ride and no money!"
Him: "Sorry, the bar's gonna be closed soon, we don't have time."
Yah.... I was PISSED. Fine, you forgot me, shit happens. But your girlfriend should have said something when I'd told her only minutes before you'd left to wait for me. And normally I'd have just sucked it up and paid for a cab myself, but the lack of money kinda left me stuck. I really thought that any good friend would turn their car around and come pick me up. Apparently I was wrong.
I went back inside to see if there was anyone there who looked remotely familiar that I could hitch a ride back to Langley with and lucked out seeing another one of my friends who was still there and phoning a cab. They were headed to Gabby's but I got them to drop me off at home first. They were trying to convince me to come with them, but I wasn't going to risk not getting in without ID, and then being stuck outside Gabby's. So, I took my drunk ass home and went to bed.
My friend left a message of apology on my Facebook wall the next day saying sorry for the mix up, that our wires must have been crossed, which made me even madder. The wires crossed part wasn't what I was pissed about... the lack of wanting to come back after they realized I was stuck was where I was mad. And a wall message? Really? Very personal.
I became sort of passive-agressive and froze him out for a while, then chose to text him and bitch about it when I was drunk. Then I just chose to forget about it. We're ok now though.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Well, two nights ago the super crazy convo was from me and my friend out for dinner at Pho Stanley. We hadn't gotten together for a while and were catching up big time. I was telling her about my recent "I'm famous" moment where my blog had been quoted on another website (a website from New York !!) ... which of course led us to talking about some of the previous dirty hockey stories I'd featured on my blog.
A couple had come in and were seated at the table behind us (in an otherwise empty restaurant, so really they got what they deserved.)
We were talking about the thing the hockey player had said to me the last time I'd been at The Roxy. The thing that was so gross that it cannot be repeated (even by ME, who is basically one of the guys and I hear some BAD stuff.) So we're talking about it sort of in code. And we start talking about how it's pretty much the grossest thing a guy can say... And that you don't talk about it... And if a girl said it to a guy then the guy would totally be into it, but that it's just not exactly enticing for a girl.
This is when the guy at the table behind us starts to bust a gut laughing. I assumed they were listening the whole time, due to their lack of conversation over a let's say, 25 minute period, but this cemented it. You're welcome! We totally made that guy's night!
On the other side of the coin I overheard a super rad conversation at the doctor's office today. I was sitting in my room waiting for the doctor when I hear this:
Girl: I've been having breakthrough bleeding and nothing has helped so I decided to come here.
(I assume the nurse leaves the room)
Boy: You know you're going to have to do an exam.
Girl: I'm not going to do it.
Boy: They made you do it at the hospital.
Girl: Well I don't feel like doing that, I'm not going to do it.
Boy: If they tell you that you need an exam then you have to do it.
Girl: Well then I'm leaving! I won't do it! Why are you trying to make me cry?
(Mumbling for a bit)
Boy: You can't do that. You get to go to court for like 6 dollars.
Girl: No I wouldn't.
Boy: I know, I've been there. I'll buy it for you.
Boyfriend: You are making a bad decision, you're going to ruin your life. You've come a long way and now you're making a bad decision.
Boy: Why are you being such a bitch today? And you were a bitch yesterday! I don't want you to go to jail for stealing makeup!
Girl: You were in a bad mood yesterday!
Boy: Yeah well I had a bad day yesterday... but I wasn't mean to you like you are to me. You disrespect me all the time and act like you don't care and I even came to pick you up today to bring you to the doctor because I care about you, I really do. And you're being a bitch to me. And if you are going to go steal a chocolate bar then I'm just going to leave! Is that what you want?!
Really, the whole thing was awesome. Around this point the doctor went into their room so the greatness ended. But, it was spectacular while it lasted.
I've always been a defensive driver (instilled in me by my screaming mother while I was 16) and don't take a lot of risks... But when you get rear-ended on the highway leading to months of neck pain and physio it makes you even more defensive. It makes me anxious when I'm in someone's car who's riding someone's ass, and uncomfortable when someone is tailgating me. I hate driving fast in the HOV lane because I'm convinced someone's gonna jet out and I'll slam into them.
Well today I was waiting to turn left from Mufford Ave (aka 64th) onto Glover road and traffic was a bitch. Every time there was no one coming, and I thought I could turn, a car would get into the left turn lane to turn off Glover onto my street. There was a semi truck behind me who decided to honk. Well guess what buddy... I don't drive a huge ten tonne truck that can just pull into traffic and expect everyone to stop for me. I drive a Honda Civic. It doesn't go fast... and also isn't going to absorb the effect of an SUV slamming into my side when I decide to turn when I don't have time to. I'm not a grandma driver... We've all been behind someone that's had twelve chances to turn. I took the first true opportunity I had so LAY OFF!
Same as when I'm waiting to turn left at an intersection and there's a huge van across from me blocking my view of if there are any cars coming. STOP with the honking. Maybe YOU, the big truck behind me can see over me at oncoming traffic... but Danielle in her close to the ground ride cannot. I'm not gonna risk ending up in traction so you can get on your merry little way to deliver your McMeat patties or whatever else.
Seriously trucks... take a chill pill!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
And also, I'm honoured and flattered that my little blog actually gets read by people I don't know.
The author did refer to me as a "puck bunny" in the article, which I'm not sure I approve of, but when the blog posting is one about the hottest players in the NHL I can't really blame him.
Check it out: Shane O'Brien's Favourite Trashy Bar led to an Unscheduled Week Off
PS. Go Canucks kick Chicago's ass!
Any time I get home from vacation I'm always a little bit sad for a while. It's time to get back to work not knowing when your next vacation will be. No more drinking during the day, no more lazing around. No more stuffing yourself with food.
This time was even worse. I didn't want to go out, or see my friends. I just wanted to sit in the basement and mope. I ws thinking about doing something crazy like going and visiting him. I've always been dutiful Danielle that does the right thing and thinks everything out.
My friend the love guru was telling me I was "lovestruck" and to forget him... and that it hadn't been fair of the guy to ask me questions about if we dated. Would I dump him? Would I marry him? And that he shouldn't have pulled the whole "I can read what you're thinking in your eyes," thing. But at the time you get swept away.
At this point I'm totally fine. Back to my old self. I emailed back and forth with cute guy for a bit but haven't heard from him for a while. We're back to our normal busy lives... And I'm ok. Maybe we will run into each other again some crazy way, but I'm not gonna hold my breath. Here I come life!
I came home and just slept and slept and was sad. And emailed cute boy. That is all.
We got up way too early to go on a trolley tour all around the capital of Alaska. Highlights included the water coming in the windows, the condensation blocking my ability to see, and the dirty water that was dripping on us. Oh, and we got to drive my the governor's mansion... No, I didn't see Sarah Palin. And no, I couldn't see Russia from her house.
Later that night a crazy storm hit. It was raining and super windy... the waves were between 25-20 feet high. At first it was kind of fun. You'd be walking down the hallway and then you'd kind of go up and feel weightless for a second... or you'd be walking down the hallway going side to side. And man, I gotta give props to the dancers who performed amazingly when I could barely take two steps without falling over.
That night we played a fun game where we had to do all sorts of different tasks for points and guess who won... that's right, Team Danielle! (Well we didn't actually have a team name, but ya know.) Pretty much right after the game I had to run to the bathroom and puke my guts out.
I had never been seasick before (except for slight nausea a few days before, but this was a whole different beast.) I was sick as a dog. A guy who worked in the lounge went to get me ginger ale (bad idea) and crackers (which were fancy when I just needed some nice Premium Plus.) Then I had a dilemma... at this point I was sitting about 4 floors away and half a ship down from my stateroom... and I was scared to make the trek for fear of barfing on the floor. Finally I picked up my shoes and just gave'er... I power-walked the shit outta that boat until finally I reached my room.
For hours I had to sit in a half lying, half sitting position and barely move or I had to run to the bathroom... no time to close the door... sorry again ladies! If I tried to take a Gravol=barf, if I tried to lie down=barf. It was horrible. FINALLY we passed through the storm and I could sleep. Note to self - next time wear a seasick patch.
That night cute boy was looking for me because he wanted to hang out and have our own little goodbye before everyone would have their goodbyes the next night. When he couldn't find me he thought I'd had a fight with crazy Quebec girl. Yeah, I wish.
I started this day extremely tired... I'd been up until probably 4am the previous night. The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that you could hear the waves crashing loudly against the side of the ship. And when I opened my eyes I noticed the ship was going back and forth. The more I thought about it the worse it made me feel. I sat out on the balcony for a bit to get some air... but that was fricking freezing so I came back in and went for breakie with the girls. I had a few tater tots and my aunt gave me a Gravol and after eating I went back to bed and took a nap.
I woke up and headed up onto the deck where the family was waiting to see the glaciers. I was so overtired I just reached a point where everything was funny and it was definite Danielle Comedy Hour. I was laughing about everything so hard I was crying. My sister and I were making scary faces with our bear hats on, and I just can't do it as well as she can!
This part of the trip was really cool. All the water is melted from glaciers and has no impurities so it's a crazy caribbean blue-green colour. Some of the icebergs even looked blue. They sent a lil boat with some crew down to bring an iceberg back onto the ship. Also while up on the deck we got some amazing hot chocolate, and by this I mean half hot chocolate, half Bailey's.
Later that night we hit up the club again for some TEQUILA SHOTS!
The boy and I hung out super late again that night. He was someone that I really clicked with and could easily talk to. And the kissing was getting better. Way better. Like weak in the knees hard to breathe better. And him telling me that he would definitely date me if I lived back at home with him didn't help things. We were talking about marriage and kids and love and all sorts of crazy things that get girl's brains going. Late that night he walked my back to my room... only for me to discover my keycard had de-magnetized in my pocket so I had to knock and wake the girls up. They weren't too happy with me.
The other highlight of the night was up in the club all the cruise staff was dressed up like the Village People and the cruise director was teaching how to give a lap dance. GOOD TIMES! The crusie staff were hilarious... and kept calling me Serena ... as in Vanderwoodson on Gossip Girl. I don't really think I look like her (maybe 10 lbs less and a boob job), but I'll take it.
I stayed up late that night and hung out with the cute boy I'd been talking to. We walked around the ship, even tually stopping to talk in this little library... where we had our first kiss. At first it wasn't great, but it definitely got better. I even found myself starting to like him. I know, not neccessarily the best idea on a 1-week cruise.