Friday, June 26, 2009

The Bay Bitch

I went into The Bay yesterday to buy some cute fishnets for the stagette I'm attending tonight. After looking around for a while I chose 3 pairs. One of them had no price tag, so I checked the other packages and they didn't either. I looked for a sign and the only one I saw was "Buy one get one half off" so I proceeded to the check-out thinking that they couldn't cost too much.

When I got to the check-out (I had gone to the upstairs one since it was on my way out) the cashier pointed out to me that there was no price tag so I told her that I knew and couldn't find a price. She was like "Ok, so I'll have to go downstairs to see."

So she rang in the other two pairs and told me the price. I asked her "Um, what about the third pair?" to which she replied "Oh well you'll have to go downstairs to that section and pay for that since I don't know the price."

I looked at her funny, like "yeah, I'm REALLY going to wait in line then pay for two pairs here then go downstairs to find someone then wait in line to pay for a third pair" so she said she'll try to call down to that section even though no one usually answers there. After calling she told me "See... I told you they never answer, you'll have to go down there."

I was trying to ask her if she could call down to the downstairs check-out (as opposed to underwear section) and she interrupted me and was like "I JUST did and I TOLD you they didn't reply!"

Then she said "When you were down there didn't you look around to see if you could find someone to tell you the price?" I said "No." (Well you JUST told me that no one is ever in that section... so who would I have found to ask you cow?)

She told me again that I'll have to go down there, find someone to ask the price and pay downstairs.

There is no way in hell I was gonna do that.

I said to her: "Well as someone shopping in a store I don't think it's my job to do that."

She walked off in a huff to go downstairs and check saying "Well the price should have been on there in the first place!" (NO SHIT... Thank your store for that, it's not my fault!)

She finally came back with a similar pair that had a tag on it and was cordial from then on.

Hope you're looking forward to a strongly worded letter Bay Bitch! Sure, maybe I'd be a bitch too if I was 45 and earning $10 an hour... but don't take it out on me!

There is NO way she would have treated an older adult like this... it's complete bullshit.

The Punk

I was cleaning a 17-year-old's teeth the other day and he tells me that I'm polishing wrong. He says "You do it differently than the others, they get it into the crevasses more." He then proceeds to demonstrate in the air for me. I tell him "That's what I am doing." He says "That's not what it feels like."

OK buds!

Then a couple minutes later he asks me: "So are you an intern or something?" To which I reply "Um no... I work here."

GRRR!

A few minutes later he asks another question: "So do you need to have like formal training to work here?"

COME ON!!

I answer "Yes, I went to school for about 5 years."

Then when he's leaving he asks me how old I am so I tell him 25. He says kind of dejected "Oh."

Apparently he wouldn't have been mouthing me off if he didn't think I was around 19. I know I look young... but show some respect! I have sharp instruments in your mouth and I can cause some serious damage!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

wow... I even amaze myself sometimes

I just had the best thought: next time I have sex (which let's face it, probably won't be anytime soon, but whatever) I'm going to say something really crazy to the guy.

For example: "Wow, that was soooo awesome. You are AMA-ZING! You're like the sex Terminator, you know, like a robot that came from the future to teach me what great sex is supposed to be like."

You know why: because even if he told people no one would believe him that I really said it. Think about it. I'm a friggin' genius.

If anyone has some suggestions I'm totally open to that too.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Pheromones - Nature's Love Potion #9

Interestingly, the day after I posted about the guy that I didn’t like because of his smell (Sad Fireman) there was an episode of Oprah about pheromones that I thought was interesting. Here's some basic info that I compiled that I found. Maybe I'm not shallow after all! Maybe it WAS the pheromones:

Pheromones are chemicals that are secreted in the sweat (and other bodily fluids) of humans and other mammals, even insects. Pheromones are odourless and barely perceptible. In fact, it is only through our vomeronasal organ (VNO) located in our nasal cavity that we're able to detect pheromones. Although pheromones can’t be seen, heard, smelled or touched, they sub-consciously affect our biological processes, which in turn, stimulate our sexual drives and reproductive behaviours. Scientists have long known that these pheromones have a powerful influence on mating habits.

If you've ever observed the way a male animal is irresistibly attracted to a female in heat(and we’ve all seen two dogs doing in on the side of the road!) you already understand the sexual power of pheromones. They influence how often we have sex, and with whom. This doesn’t mean we act like love-crazed tom-cats ready to pounce on any member of the opposite sex that happens to be nearby. The effects of pheromones on humans are more subtle than that, but still powerful.

Androstenone is a steroid found in both male and female sweat and urine and is predominantly known as a male pheromone because it creates a dominant and intimidating aura. It can produce alpha-male type aggressiveness which is often associated with sex and good mate choice, so this pheromone can create a sexual vibe and increase sexual tension. While normally it is reported to have an unpleasant, sweaty, urine-like or woody smell, when a woman is ovulating (therefore wanting healthy specimen to reproduce with) it takes on a pleasant or floral smell. At this time it also increases the luteinizing hormone (LH) in women, thereby causing a woman to have a heightened sexual responsiveness to a man.

Copulins are an exclusively female group of pheromones that attract men. They are secreted into the vagina at the optimum ratios during ovulation with the aim of encouraging men to desire to copulate. They have also been proven to bring about a testosterone surge (up to 150%) in men, causing a man to have a heightened sexual responsiveness to a woman.This increase in testosterone may cause feelings of arousal in men if a woman is present. It is said that once a man smells copulins on a woman she is deemed to be more attractive.

The difference between being “in love” and just loving someone has to do with chemistry. As I learned on Oprah, a good way to test if there’s chemistry between you and your man is to take a good whiff of him when he’s clean but cologne-free … if the smell turns you on then there’s good chemistry. If not… sorry! Welcome to splitsville... population, you.

Also… and this part is interesting… women are attracted more to men with a different MHC (major histcombatibility complex) than them. It’s part of the immune system that differentiates whether something in your body is your own (self) or from someone or something else (non-self.) This encourages survival of the species through different combinations of genes (and you know, encourages you NOT to get with your cousins.) However, women on the pill tended to choose a guy with a similar MHC because of the fact that they aren’t ovulating. This can cause higher levels of infidelity and fertility issues. So yeah... this is NOT GOOD. You can be off the pill and get pregnant by someone different than you, or be on the pill and not get pregnant and be attracted to someone a little too close to home. Ew.

I know what you’re thinking… How do I use pheromones to get me laid? Well, this is where synthesized pheromones can give you an advantage that Mother Nature never did. Even if you're one of the fortunate people who secretes abundant quantities of natural pheromones, the pheromones you do produce are usually washed away when you shower or bathe. Products such as Passion Parties “Pure Instinct" or endless others you can purchase on the internet contain pheromones, that when applied to the skin are supposed to bring out one’s natural sexual scent. Do they really work? That’s yet to be proven. But, it can’t hurt!

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Why do these things happen to me?

This guy who went to my high school texted me the other night at around 1:00am or so saying: "Hey what's up?"

Oh yeah, I should mention that I haven't seen or spoken to him in probably a year.

I write back: "Just in bed trying to sleep."

He's like: "Oh well we should hang out soon."

To which I reply: "Yeah ok but I really wanna get some sleep cus I'm working tomorrow."

So he says: "Ok. Text me in the morning. Send me a pic."

Ummm you can't just creep Facebook like a normal person?

Taken aback I write: "Why the hell would I send you a pic?"

Him: "Well I haven't seen you in a while."

Me: "We can hang out but you have to stop being a creeper."

Him: "Ok call me tomorrow! :) "

Oh yeah, one more thing. He gave my sister's friend chlamydia a few months ago. Just saying.

Friday, June 05, 2009

This Girl's Got Balls ... Not Literally

A quote from Kate Winslet, from the upcoming issue of Allure, courtesy of PerezHilton.com:

“Depends on the character. Let me tell you, The Reader was not glamorous for me in terms of body-hair maintenance. I had to grow it in, because you can’t have a landing strip in 1950, you know? And then because of years of waxing, as all of us girls know, it doesn’t come back quite the way it used to. They even made me a merkin because they were so concerned that I might not be able to grow enough. I said, 'Guys, I am going to have to draw the line at a pubic wig. But you can shoot my snatch up close and personal.'"

I like this girl.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Are You People Never Satisfied?

So, I've been asking around to the boys how they liked that post about the 15 hottest ladies... and you know what I get? Them telling me which ones they disagree with. Come on! I slaved over Google Images for hours finding the hottest pics of the hottest ladies for you all. Grrrr!

I would like to point out however, that my page with the hottest hockey players is doing a LOT of business. I have around 20 people a day (I would say girls but you know there are some hockey-player-loving gays out there) visiting my blog who have searched that on the internet. I would just like to say there was a need in the market and I filled that niche. You're welcome.

The Singer

A few months ago I had a guy that I was seeing for a bit, and there is just SO much so say about him being a douchebag. Even though this is the last real tell-all some things are still not blog-appropriate.

Things started out innocently enough. A few flirty texts back and forth and me being really shy when we met (yes, when I like a boy is pretty much the only time I get shy.)

On our first date things got a little hotter and heavier than I would have liked... but that's what a third of a bottle of Smirnoff will do to you.

From then I had to drive to see him, never him to see me, and it was only when his family was away. Apparently it wasn't acceptable to bring a girl over that doesn't go to church.

Then all he wanted to do was send dirty text messages 24-7. As someone who's never really been vocal in the bedroom this doesn't come easy to me. It just got annoying. Sure, I love to get a sweet text from a guy that says "Hey babe, can't wait to see you later" or "Just want to kiss you right now," or something like that, but the dirty talk doesn't do it for me.

Then he tells me that he doesn't want a girlfriend. Fine. I'm totally OK being friends. But, he wants to fool around. I tell him that I don't want to be a booty call... and he insists that since he "likes me" that it isn't one.

Umm let me see here. People who aren't "dating" but fool around... What's the word for that again? BOOTY CALL!

For a while the manipulation worked. What a girl will do for a guy she likes, I tell ya! Then I finally grew a brain and got rid of him.

I will say one thing though. Boys are meant to lose their virginities in their 'teens. You know why? When people are repressed bad things happen. And in the case of boys losing their virginities at the age of say... 23 *AHEM DOUCHEBAG* bad thing happen. Please, please, please... look into getting a sex therapist.

It's Been a While! Updates!

Yes, it's definitely been a while since I've updated my blog, and this one isn't gonna be too long either since my ass is sweating like crazy and I'm sliding around on this leather chair. Gross but I don't make this stuff up.

As of now I've been working twice a week at a dental office in Langley as a real-life, full-fledged dental hygienist! Yay! Besides that just keeping busy with friends and errands and what-not.

I do have something to say though: I've got to thinking lately (and taking some advice) that I need to calm down a little bit on what I write about guys on here if I ever want to get a man. I don't want people thinking that this is just a game for me. It's not at all. I'd actually like to have a boyfriend. A lot. If I had a guy I liked I wouldn't write bad stuff about him... I would write good things, or nothing at all. I don't usually write a whole lot about guys anyways until after they're long gone. I just seem to meet such losers that I can't help myself.

So... Before I calm it down I need to get one more out. It's that bad. Please enjoy "The Singer."