Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Why I like Hockey Players

Some people ask my why I have this fascination with hockey players. Well, it's simple. It's a case of national pride.

I mean, I love Canada, but we aren't good at that many things. We have bad TV, we don't sell booze at grocery stores, we don't have tropical vacation spots, we don't have cool accents and we definitely don't win gold medals.*

What ARE we good at? Hockey!

Add this to the pile: When our parents were young they got to pause their school day, gather around the TV and watch astronauts being shot into space. The only live TV I've ever got to see in the classroom was the hockey finals at the Olympics. The ENTIRE school was shut down... That's apparently how important the administration found for us to watch that game. See... it's not even my fault, it's a learned behaviour!

So you see... liking hockey players is my doing my part for the country! Supporting them is supporting hockey which supports the economy which supports Canada. Got it?

*Except in hockey.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Hottest Hockey Player Awards - Hottest Guys in the NHL

Well ladies and gentlemen... I've (with the help of Nicole) finally narrowed down the 40 Hottest Guys in the NHL into categories.

In honour of the playoffs please enjoy the Hottest Hockey Player Awards 2009!

Hottest Frenchman
- Antoine Vermette (Tie) Vincent Lecavalier
Runner up: Jean Francois Jacques
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ... ce soir?

Hottest Captain - Mike Richards
Runner up: Jarome Iginla
"What's that captain? Take my pants off? Aye aye!"

Hottest American - John Michael Liles
Runner up: Marty Reasoner
God Bless America!

Hottest Import - Henrik Lundqvist
Runner up: Mikko Koivu
I would strip search them when they come across the border!

Hottest Goalie - Carey Price
Runners up: Marc Denis, Andrew Raycroft
The only time goalies score... is on me! Just kidding!

Hottest Midget … Oops I mean “Little Person” - Martin St. Louis
5'9" may not be short in the real world, but in the NHL it just won't cut it. Wait, it's still short in the real world.

Hottest Ex-Canuck - Peter Schaefer (Tie) Nolan Baumgartner (Tie) Marcus Naslund
I'd rather run into them than any of my exes!

Hottest guy who looks like he should be on “The Bachelor” - Rick Dipietro
... and I bet it'd be "The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony EVER!"

Hottest guy who should get an AIDS Test - Jose Theodore
Two words: Paris Hilton. 'Nuff said.

Hottest Guy whose Name I can Never Remember - Brad Stuart

Hottest Guy that's Engaged to a Cougar - Jarret Stoll
He's 26, Rachel Hunter (Rod Stewart's ex) is 39. You go girl!

Hottest Guy that looks like a Soap Opera Star - Sheldon Souray
Like sands through the hourglass...

Hottest Guy I've met at the Roxy - Shane O'Brien (Tie) Brent Seabrook
Don't try and figure out which blog story is from which guy... you will lose.

Hottest Old Guy - Mike Modano (Tie) Brendan Shanahan
These men brought to you by Viagra!

Hottest Ottawa Senator - Mike Fisher
Runners up: Wade Redden, Jason Spezza
He's dating Carrie Underwood... but I'd let him dig his key into my 4-wheel drive!

Hottest Guy that is my Future Husband - Taylor Pyatt
Easy, Breezy, Beautiful...

Hottest Sell Out - Sidney Crosby
This guy has peddled everything from Tim Hortons to Upper-Deck to Reebok to Gatorade... Props for looking awesome shirtless though!

Hottest Eskimo that Nailed a Country Broad - Jordin Tootoo
Oh I'm sorry... Inuit that made love to a sweet girl? I'm talking Kellie Pickler here people! She may be slightly retarded but she's got blonde hair and big boobs and that's what's important, right?

Hottest Babyface - Kari Lehtonen (Tie) Derick Brassard
Runners up: Gilbert Brule, Mason Raymond
Don't worry... they're legal!

Hottest Calgary Flame - Rene Bourque
Runners up: Matthew Lombardi, Mike Cammalleri
They're so hot... they're on FIRE! (Sorry, couldn't help myself.)

Hottest Guy that shares a name with a Hypnotist - Marc Savard
You are getting sleepy... veeeery sleepy. Hope it's not GHB!

Hottest Guy that's Banged Elisha Cuthbert - Sean Avery
Runner up: Dion Phaneuf
Gotta love a guy that fights dirty and calls another dude out for having his sloppy seconds!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Brit Brit's Real Voice

Peeps... You know I love Britney. But I had to show you this. Maybe I should be a singer after all?

Who Would You Do?

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to a brand new episode of everyone's favourite game show... Say it with me now... Who. Would. You .Dooooo?!

Please play along at home by leaving a comment with your answers!

Our first contestant today is Seth Rogan. He's funny, he smokes a lot of weed, and best of all he's from Vancouver! What do you think? Do-able?

No? What about the new and improved, cut-back-on-the-munchies or perhaps switched-to-the-white-stuff Seth Rogen?

You know you would! We all saw that scene in Zack and Miri Make a Porno! Mmmm.

Contestant numero deux is everyone's favourite SNL funnyman Andy Samberg without whom we would have never had a huge motorcycle jumping ramp in the Cloverdale Fairgrounds for months last year. Take a lookie-loo:

Not impressed? Or do you have the same response as my sister Nicole "I'd do his personality" Douma? Well try this one...

I know what you're thinking: "He can put his dick-in-my-box anyday!"

Last but not least we have a Who Would You Do Showdown... Who Would You RATHER Do? Jeremy Piven or Adrian Grenier. Both are Entour-ific stars ripping it up on everyone's favourite male soap opera. It's a close call.

Jeremy (we're on a first name basis) has that little-man Napoleon power complex thing going on... HOT.

Adrian has that chill, I'm too cool to brush my hair thing going on... Also HOT.

I can't decide! Input please!

Hey Mickey!

About a month ago I went out with a guy a few times who we will refer to as Mickey.

The whole thing had me confused. We went out 5 times... never cuddled, never made out... never did anything except peck goodbye once and I initiated it. But he still kept asking me to hang out. I couldn't really figure out if I liked him or not. I was kinda waiting for the make-out stage... because that can be a deal maker or breaker, but it never happened.

Then he started to annoy me. I had told him that I'm scared of semi-trucks on the freeway... so when we were driving to Abbotsford he thought it would be funny to drive alongside one. Sorry if I don't laugh when I'm scared for my life. He also was telling me that he was going to get Nitrous for his car. REALLY? NOS? Who are you, Vin Diesel? He also texted me all the time, even after I told him I hate having long text convos back and forth. If you want to talk CALL me! All we did was make fun of each other. It was almost like he was my annoying little brother that I wanted to punch.

Eventually I just started ignoring his texts. He got the hint. Sad Mickey.

I saw on Facebook the other day that he got in a fight this weekend. Good call Danielle.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Zac Efron's Pool Party

"If I had a nickel for every time you gave me a boner I'd have 400 dollars... and 5 cents."

Friday, April 03, 2009

RIP Ms Almost Pyatt

I just wanted to say my thoughts (and the prayers would be too, if I prayed) are going out to Taylor Pyatt today.

It's been reported that last night his fiancee died in a car crash in Jamaica while on vacation with her mom.

Taylor, you are too pretty to be upset. Now those beautiful eyes will be all woeful and haunted.

Since there's obviously nothing I can actually do (without being a stalker) I'm sending out some virtual cuddles.

My poor, poor Pyatt :(