Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Hockey players are so charming, aren't they?

A few weeks ago I headed out to celebrate my friend Kim's birthday. We started with dinner at Chilli House downtown. I had prawns in a curry sauce over rice... YUMMERS! It was also only $13 and had a dozen prawns in it. Not like when you get a seafood pasta at most restaurants and pay $15 to get 5 teeny pieces of fish.

After that (and after hitting up the drugstore to soothe my heartburn... damn being a white person!) we headed to the Roxy. My friend had a reso for 20 people, but apparently over 40 of us showed up and we waited in line for an hour. Patience may be a virtue, but it's one I'm lacking. It sucked.

While we were waiting in line though, I happened to see someone I recognized. It was the NHL player that asked to "bang me" back in the day. Remember? What a coincidence! (Well not that much of a coincidence considering that team hits up the Roxy every time they're in town... but the fact that I was there that same night.)

Once inside, after a drink and a pee, I decided to go say hi. I mentioned that I'd met him before with my friend... and he was like "Oh who?" so I told him... to which he calmly replied "She's a whore!" and walked away. WOW.

At this point I was distracted: I had seen one of the Canucks walk through the door. The only reason I knew who he was is because Nicole had told me he was hot and made me look him up on the internet. I figured I had nothing to lose so I went and talked to him too. I should mention he was pretty shitfaced at this point. I walked by him and was like "Hey, you're ___!" and he's like "Yeah." We introduce ourselves. I tell him that my sister really likes him and he asked "What about you?" so I told him I'm undecided. I wanted to compliment him on the fact that the Canucks had totally kicked the other team's ass that night... so I said "You guys did really well tonight eh?" ... "Yep," he said, "I didn't play... But I still got paid!" Great. I had just congratulated a healthy scratch. Suddenly a guy and his girlfriend walked by and accidently bumped into the Canuck... so the boys started tussling! They weren't quite fighting, but they had their arms around each other's necks. I walked away.

The entire night the big group of hockey players were in one area... and every time I walked by to get a drink one of the kept checking me out and we kept making eye contact. Finally he smiled, nodded his head and motioned me over. He's not hot... but pretty cute and we started talking. I ended up chatting with him for about an hour. Then he asked me to go back to his hotel with him. "For what?" I asked, to which he replied, "Sex, make out, you know." At least he's honest! I told him I didn't think so. "Why not? I don't have any diseases" he stated. (Ummm sure. Do you have the doctor's printout with you?) I told him I couldn't because I had my period, which I thought would deter him. I was wrong.

We kept talking and a bit later he asked me to come to the hotel again. He randomly blurted out "I'll eat you out!" Ummmmmm... I was kinda speechless. "Do you remember what I already told you?" I asked and he said yes. "And you don't care?" I ask. "No." I'm pretty sure at this point I made a disgusted face, because he paused for a moment and then said "I'm just kidding!" He wasn't.

I told him that maybe my friends could come to the hotel with me and we could all hang out, but that we were leaving, so he took my number. He told me he's in Vancouver a fair bit in the summer and he'd call me. I'm not holding my breath.

I then had to wait in a 30-minute-long lineup to get my coat. When I finally left I thought I'd say goodbye... but he had already moved onto some whore that had kept trying to grind on him as we talked. As opposed to me, the girl with morals, she was a sure thing. Well, at least I was his first choice. Hope he doesn't get herpes!


vancityrockgirl said...

that story is so rad.
"i'll eat you out"?!?! that's your pickup line? jeeezzzz.
funnily enough (and this is also a true story) chad kroeger used the same line on one of my friends ALSO AT THE ROXY! lol.
and for the record, it didn't work on her either.

Anonymous said...

hahaha i love this but im slightly confused.

so the guy that you saw that called your friend a whore and walked away was he the same guy that said ill eat you out?

Danielle said...

Nope! Two different guys!

Anonymous said...

Are hockey players not allowed to have fun and drink? If anything you sound like an annoying puck bunny.

Danielle said...

Oh, I fully support anyone's right to get drunk and have fun. I don't get these storeis staying at home!And how am I annoying? Because I talked to a guy and DIDN'T leave with him? How DARE I!