Monday, May 26, 2008

Speech Speech!!

Thought I'd share with you all a speech I did for my Professionalism and Communications class. I got 30/30 BTW.

Here is is... How To Get Free Drinks:

Who here likes free drinks? I know I do. The way I see it nothing’s better than a vodka, water, lime juice... than a free vodka, water, and lime juice. I’m a pro at getting free drinks and I’m here to help you learn how to do it too. This may be applicable mainly to the ladies of the class, but guys, you can try it out. It all comes down to the 5W’s you learned in elementary school: who, what, where, when and why.

Let’s start with “who,” because it’s the most important. It’s all about who you go to the bar with, and who you know. If you go to the bar with a bunch of girls you may not have to wait in line, but ladies hold tight to their purse strings… you need to go to the bar with some boys! Whether they have great paying jobs, or just like to show off like they do, you’ll get at least one free drink. Secondly, get to know the bartender. This is the #1 way to get free drinks (just don’t forget to tip!) If you don’t already know one, that’s ok, chat him up, ask him about his night, be friendly, and keep going back to the same bartender. A free drink is sure to follow.

Now, let’s move onto “what.” When a guy asks you what you want to drink keep it simple. Guys don’t want to order you a double Grey Goose martini, shaken with a twist of lemon and three maraschino cherries. They don’t want to say it, much less pay for it. Stick to simple drinks like rum and coke or vodka and seven-up. Also, go for the $3 drink special and you’re likely to get a second.

The “where” is important if you’re trying to scam drinks off random guys. In my experience, where you stand in proximity to the bar is directly correlated to free drink proposals. You’re right there and you look good, why wouldn’t they offer? Just stand by the bar, make eye contact and smile.

Let’s talk about the “when.” Near the end of the night is the best time to get free drinks. Why? Men are more likely to spend more when they’re a little inebriated. Plus, everyone looks better through “drunk goggles” and that includes you! This is when they’re also likely to order full trays of shots or highballs that they can’t keep track of. Go ahead and grab one (or more) off the table. Someone once pointed out to me, it’s not stealing if it’s on your groups’ table! Sharing is caring!

The “why” of getting free drinks is interesting. Why would someone spend their hard earned cash on buying you a drink? Because you are hot, and you have a great attitude! Have fun, be open and talk to strangers. Don’t scowl and stand in a huddle with your girlfriends. The main reason a man will buy you a drink is because he likes you, so be likeable.

Now, with all this knowledge of how to get free drinks it’s important to use your powers for good, not evil. There are some points of etiquette you must remember:

1. Never ask for a free drink, it’s tacky! Saying “it’s my birthday” however is allowed, and is a very successful strategy.
2. Never assume you’ll get a free drink. Always have money with you and be willing to pay. A free drink is a bonus, not an expectation.
3. Be polite: Say thank you and stay and chat for a few minutes.
4. Safetly first: Don’t accept a drink that someone brings over to you if you don't know them, and don't put it down. Also, know your limits. Your free-drink-getting abilities may be greater than you know, and no one likes a drunken mess.

Now that you have the know-how go out and apply it! Go out, have fun and remember it’s all about attitude. If worse comes to worse and none of my tips work I have a full-proof plan for you. Hop the next flight to Vegas, sit at the nearest roulette table and put a grand on red. Free drinks are sure to follow, I guarantee it!

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