Sunday, January 06, 2008

My Jesus Theory

ATTENTION: Before you read this post you need to go into it with an open mind. If you already saw the word Jesus and thought to yourself: "Now what is that heathen going to say about my friend J-dawg?" Then you should probably just stop now.

I have a bit of a conundrum... and I HONESTLY would like someone to give me some answers. Comments people, comments! (Please... Luvs ya!)

The Jesus Theory

According to the bible Jesus was born because God impregnated Mary in an immaculate conception. The family Jesus was born into was Mary and Joseph, who were a nice married couple... Or were they? For a marriage to be upheld the marriage needs to be consummated. Well, if Mary was a virgin then she obviously had NOT done it with Joseph... Therefore they were not actually married. So, if Jesus was born to an unmarried couple then what does that make him? GASP!!!! A bastard.

I'm sorry... but that's the lesser of two evils at this point... There's more... (You can still stop reading if you want... you aren't gonna like this!)

You don't want to believe Jesus is a bastard right? Who would want to think that? So let's work things out to say that he isn't. Well... if Jesus isn't a bastard then his parents would have had to be married. Therefore Joseph and Mary did it. Probably many times. They consummated the heck out of their marriage. (Did they have honeymoons back then?) So... one of those squirmy little Joseph spermies made it to one of Mary's holy eggs... And a baby was created. A regular 'ol joe baby who was born 9 months later in a manger. So the theory of Jesus being the son of God who came to earth to save us all is wrong... And therefore Christianity is based on something that isn't true.

So... which is it?

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mary conceived Jesus through the action of God the Holy Spirit, and not through intercourse with Joseph or anyone else. Catholics do not believe Mary is the source of Jesus' divine nature, but the source of his human nature. Yet as a person he is truly God and truly man, thus making her His mother.

vancityrockgirl said...

lol. um, religion is based on a whole lot of "non-truth"
if it was truth, it would just be REALITY.
religion is delusions, non-truth and outright lies...

here's a good book for you

The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.

Danielle said...

Thanks anonymous... You didn't answer the question. I'll count that as bastard then.

Votes: Bastard 1 Non-Truth 1.

Anonymous said...

I think if you get to carry the Son of God then all rules go out the window.
So I vote for Bastard.......but not a Bastard.
Jayme

Anonymous said...

Immaculate Conception refers to the conception of Mary via regular human sexual intercourse but without the stain of original sin. It was this that allowed Mary to be impregnated with Jesus through virginal conception. In fact there is much controversy among theists as to whether or not Mary was a virgin but really it is impertinent. It doesn’t matter whether Jesus even existed. His teachings are what are supposed to be followed. If you think he was just some silly bustard that deceived everyone into believing he was son of god well that’s a matter of opinion. But here’s something to ponder: he is without a doubt the most influential human being, fictional or not, in the society we live in. You were born in 1984 AD. AD as in Anno Domini as in the year of our lord. That is to say that the only way people will have a concept of when you existed is with reference to Jesus' existence. I guess what I’m getting at is that if it’s semantical errors that have driven you into atheism you should step back and do some soul searching or at least a little more research. Life without god is a scary place and it’s a tough side of the debate to be on. Silly comments like yours make me feel stupid for being an atheist.

Danielle said...

I fully agree with you that real or not, Jesus is an influential figure in history. I'm not arguing that fact at all. I can see logic.

I also agree that the "teachings of Jesus" are great for some people. It gives them hope, and something to believe in. It makes them feel that their life has a purpose greater than they know. It gives them security to think they they can follow a set of rules and "win the game" by entering heaven.

I just like to think for myself and follow what I think is right and wrong for me. I don't want teachings from thousands of years ago, that aren't necessarily relevant in this day and age to tll me what to do.

Anyways... it was a joke. Lighten up.