Wednesday, May 16, 2007

on a serious note...

As I prepare to start school and get on with my career and my life (and eventually "baby chick" will leave the nest) I have been doing a lot of thinking.

My whole life people have had certain expectations of me. I'm supposed to be the smartest and work the hardest; I'm supposed to want certain things and not others; I'm supposed to be the career woman, who is focused and strong and doesn't break down... I'm never supposed to fail, so when I do people are more dissapointed (myself included.) Those are hard expectations to live upto.

The other day I was having a conversation with my mom about boys. She said to me, " You don't need to worry about marriage... you have your career to focus on...you only need to have fun right now."

It feels like half the people I know are married, or getting married, or living together, or having babies... and I am left in their dust and expected to feel fine about it because I am career-focused. Well, maybe that's not enough.

Not right away, but I DO want that... I want to get married... I want babies... I want someone to love. I don't want people telling me that it's ok that I don't have these because I have a career. That almost makes it worse... they are comforting me. The fact that they feel like they need to comfort me proves that they feel bad or think something is wrong with it.

And I want people to see my sensitive side. The side that can't say goodbye, and loves to cuddle, and cried on the series finale of Gilmore Girls.

No comments: